"Time...look where we are and what we've been through..."

Somtimes I don't know what to think of life. It throws so many curves. As many of you know, I have been stuck in a "down spell" for a while. Regardless of my reasons for being there, I have realized that it has to stop. I can torment myself for the rest of my life with gloom and doom, but what good will that do anyone?

Pulling out of my funk feels great, but sometimes I have mini-relapses. I freak out because I thought I had everything figured out and then it all seems so uncertain again. But I suppose that's where trust comes in.

I think part of my problem is that I really fell away from God at the end of Spring semester. Fall semester REALLY challenged my faith. It was the first time that I had actually stopped and questioned my fundamental beliefs. But it made me stronger. I had never been so close to God. But Spring semester came along and I fell by the way-side. I was vainly trying to hold everything together. More than anything, I still wanted to be a shining light for Christ. I hoped that my peers could see Christ in my life, and I still hope that I had some sort of impact. But my focus shifted to other things, and I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew what the rest of my life was going to be, but God had other ideas.

My plans disintegrated before my very eyes and I watched...powerless. I was bitter. Very bitter. I lost interest in everything, including God. I went from experiencing the closest walk I have ever known to feeling unable to even utter a prayer. I was only sinking deeper...and deeper...darker and darker. Then I realized something... It was because I had stopped talking to God. He was the only one who was going to get me through this, but He was the one person I had chosen to leave out. Tsk tsk.

Oddly enough, the pastor talked about something very similar in church on Sunday. Then tonight, I came in from the SAI cookout and immediately went to our girl's Bible Study (all denominations are represented if anyone wants to join us). The topic? Being a beautiful woman in GOD'S eyes. We're studying Proverbs 31: 10-31. This is what I need right now...because I am far from beautiful as far as my Christian walk is concerned. I cringe whenever I think of how I have neglected my faith over the past couple of months. And why did I do it? Because I wanted to have myself a pity party...because I wanted to handle it on my own. I am starting to remember what the awesomeness of God is like. It's amazing. :) As Erin would say "Yay God". Haha. Anyway. I just thought I would share that with the world.

I don't know what lies in the days or weeks ahead, but I know that it's all in God's hands. He knows what He's doing and will show me the way...no matter how blurred the path seems. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and a great day tomorrow.