So This Is Christmas

"So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun…"

When I logged in to sum up life in the two years since I last graced this journal with my presence, I stumbled across an unfinished draft from my tenth anniversary. In that draft, I was reminiscing about how much had changed during our decade of marriage. From flip phones to smart phones, one kid to three kids... I did not finish my thoughts, and those musings have been sitting untouched for fifteen months. 

I feel like that alone sums up my current stage of life. It is Christmas Eve, and I'm not sure how we got here so fast. 

At the beginning of 2017, we introduced a tiny little fuzz ball to our already-crowded home. He has grown into 50 lbs of regal fluff, and I barely remember life without Shadow Long-nose McGowan. The day we brought Shadow home, snow began falling. Johnathan hopped a plane to Austin the following day, and I faced an interesting challenge: single parent life with snow on the ground, kids out of school, and a new puppy that was small enough to disappear in unfortunate places. 

On February 5th, the Falcons handed the Super Bowl to the Patriots. The last 3 minutes and 50 seconds of the game were excruciating. David and I yelled at the TV like crazy people while our neighbor fired shots into the night. 

On Saint Patrick's Day, my husband conspired with one of my oldest (and dearest) friends and shipped me to the mountains for a girl's weekend. We ate good food, hiked to waterfalls, and stupidly watched a suspenseful movie while listening to the wind howl outside our cabin in the woods.

In April, we added a large deck to the back of the house and discovered that Sunny will steal (and bury) the boiled eggs intended for our Easter hunt. 

At the end of May, we took a beautiful hike in the North Georgia mountains. We waded across a creek, saw a bear, found a crawfish at the top of a waterfall, named a turtle, and got covered in more ticks than I have seen in my entire life. I will never go hiking that late in the season ever again because I spent weeks after the hike anticipating some kind of tick borne illness. 

In June, Ava and Ethan stated that they received salvation through faith after the Friday night service at Vacation Bible School. They were baptized together on a Sunday morning shortly after VBS, just as David and Emily were baptized together a couple years ago. 

July was extremely eventful. Johnathan and David went to Scout Camp, so the girls and I tackled Independence Day celebrations without our boys. We attended the steam engine parade, watched fireworks, and went kayaking with my Mom and Daniel. While celebrating Ava's birthday on a balcony in Dahlonega, lightning struck the sidewalk just fifty feet from where we were sitting. Poor Ava dissolved in tears and wanted nothing more of her birthday dinner. At the end of the month, we made our annual pilgrimage to The Dillard House for church camp. After a long, sleepless weekend at camp and many hours in front of the computer for work, Johnathan saw a "ghost" make its way down the hallway in our house. 

School started back in August. I took a weekend trip to Savannah with Hannah (for her birthday), and on the 21st, we observed the total eclipse together as a family. We camped out in a parking lot in Hiawassee, eating a picnic lunch and melting in the heat. Minutes before the sun was completely obscured, the world looked like an underexposed photo and the temperature dropped noticeably. The moment of totality was inspiring, and I stared in awe at the unreal light of the corona. Unlike Johnathan, I had not been geeking out over the approach of the eclipse, but I got caught up in the wonder at the very end. 

Over Fall break, we trekked to Disney World. It was a long-awaited trip, and after earning rewards points for several years, we almost entirely paid for five days and four nights. The food was better than expected, and the overall experience was...well...magical. Disney has perfected their art, and I could not have asked for a better trip. I have decided, however, that my next trip to Disney World will be in the dead of winter. 80 degrees and 100% humidity is miserable. 

In October, I lost a friend to suicide and reevaluated a lot of things in life. It made me resolve to (try to) be a more compassionate, understanding, and giving person. As in all things, however, the moment you resolve to be a certain way, the more your resolve is tested.

November began the landslide of holiday events, and so I find myself sitting here. It's less than twelve hours until Christmas. What have I done?

Glossing over the highlights of this year is not an accurate reflection of the insanity that fills in the gaps between moments. Our life plays like a movie with the fast forward button held down. Monday nights are eaten up with Scouts, Gymnastics, and family dinners. Wednesdays are devoted to music at church. Ava has art classes on Thursday. On occasion, Johnathan has committee meetings and roundtable meetings on Tuesday and Thursday nights. In all of this chaos, I decided to pursue my CPCU designation. After passing the first exam with relative ease, I tackled the second self-motivated course during the busiest time of year. It was a learning experience. I will re-take my second exam in a couple months, and will try to be kinder to myself in future studies. My house is permanently in a state of disaster, and I am powerless to pick up the pieces. Problems shift from room to room, child to child, day to day. Never changing, but yet always evolving into something new to tackle. Some days I fall into bed and realize that I have barely spoken to my husband. I listen to my grandfather lament how busy people are these days. He recounts the days when time moved slower and people interacted with each other instead of staring at screens. I long to sit still, but when I do nothing, I feel idle and useless. I am perpetually trying to keep a wave on the sand, and it just doesn't work. 

This is a season. A season dotted with spelling bees, gymnastics competitions, band concerts, auditions, gingerbread houses, and movie nights. 

Earlier this year, I was listening to my favorite Rod Stewart songs and remembering my childhood. I turned to Johnathan and said, "How did I get so far removed from six year old me?" His response was, "One day at a time."

That is how we will move from this season into the next. One day at a time. 

To lighten the mood that I have created, I will share some of my favorite Ava-isms from 2017:

Ava: "I have a scratch on my knee. It looks like a smile, but doesn't have eyes..."
Ava (staring at a chipmunk in our yard): "Mom! I think I see a mouse!"