Thoughts on living

I've been so impatient for the arrival of this new baby that I’m neglecting things in the present.

When I first discovered that I was pregnant, I was convinced that something horrible was going to happen. It was an initial freak-out that has long-since passed. I'm no longer terrified by that possibility, but yet... What if something DID happen during labor and delivery? I would have failed to utilize the last few weeks that God has so graciously provided. Instead of soaking up precious time with David and Emily, I would have been unknowingly pushing for the end of my time with them.

This sense of worth in regards to life doesn't just apply to my pregnancy. My current condition is merely a catalyst to my thoughts. Rather, it applies (or should apply) to every second of every day. Why should I ever wish away valuable time...even in the anticipation of something good? Don’t get me wrong. I'm not expecting to catch the next train out of this world, but we never know when things might change for good...or how things might change. It has taken my current impatience to remind me that God has an all-knowing time table. For whatever reason, He has chosen to make us wait for baby Ava longer than we ever expected to. We can't understand the reasons, but yet we have to trust that it's for the best. Perhaps He is merely giving me a few more days to store up one-on-one time with David and Emily. I have had several wonderful moments with my children over the course of the last week...moments where I stopped and stared in wonder at their happy little faces. Those moments might have never come to pass if I had been preoccupied by a screaming newborn. Perhaps it is to help strengthen my relationship with my husband. The nearness of our latest addition and subsequent anticipation seem to have driven us closer together (at least as close as my ridiculously swollen feet will allow).

The bottom line is that I have once again reached a place where I step back and evaluate all that is dear to me. I am determined to slow down, drop the disinfecting wipes, and be held captive by the demands of my children. Instinct insists that I scrub the house into shape, but reason insists that I listen attentively as David teaches me to build a car. And how could I pass up the chance to be tugged through the house by Emily in her dress up shoes? Life is good. The garden smells nicer. The cats are cuter. My books are more interesting. And my husband has gotten me coffee more times in the past few weeks than I ever could have hoped. I'm living happily in the moment. If that moment involves a wee bundle, so be it...but if not, I'll be content to be content in the present.