Working hard or hardly working

The steady hum of my thoughts is punctuated by electric staplers, shuffling papers, vigorous stamping, and the whir of copying machines. I have more time than ever to muse, but despite the fact that I’m constantly clicking on a keyboard, my musings no longer seem to reach my fingers. Work is going well. It’s an office job, and there isn’t much to relate beyond that point. I spend my days processing applications, so it isn’t wildly exciting. I have known most of my co-workers through Mom for many years, which is both comforting and intimidating. People could easily assume that I’m here because of my mother, so I feel the need to establish myself as worthy and capable apart from her. I have settled into a groove, and I feel as though I can be content. I have good pay, stability, and great benefits during economic hardship. I’m discouraged that I was unable to find a steady MT position, but my children are top priority, and stability had to come first. I am very thankful for my current position, and I know that I owe this opportunity to divine intervention. I will take my MT board exam as soon as I am able to fork over two hundred and twenty dollars, and then I will start looking for part-time therapy work. I want to devote bits of time to therapy in local assisted living facilities. I don’t want to lose my music, and I plan on keeping a toe permanently in the therapy pool.

There seems to be a family of geese that camp out on the office doorstep. They come at night and leave behind lovely calling cards. The boss’ daughter is having her baby today, and I smile internally every time I remember that a tiny little boy is making his way into the world. Babies are so much joy. I miss seeing my little ones, and I hate that I only average around four hours with them each day of the week. Emily is running. We have to keep the upstairs doors shut at all times because if she manages to slip through, she runs down the hallway and tears around the corner toward the top of the stairs. She grins jubilantly and laughs as her chubby feet tear across the carpet. She thinks it’s an amusing game, but I do not share her twisted sense of humor. She doesn’t worry about reaching the top stair and would no doubt try to make her way down with utmost confidence. The thought terrifies me. Emily is as determined to climb the stairs as she is to descend them and does so with surprising speed for such little legs. She has learned to point and is therefore becoming adept at indicating her wants. She remains as smiley as ever and is my clingy little ray of sunshine. She has learned to give kisses and hugs and bestows them as generously as her big brother did in a former life. David is growing more conversational with each day that passes. He spends a lot of time in my lap on the rare occasion that it has been vacated by his sister. David’s memory astounds me, and he will often bring up topics that were discussed days before. He is such a creative little fellow, and I feel that he will need a bigger pond to swim in before very long. I can already sense at times that he is outgrowing his surroundings. He reads very well and is showing more interest in various activities. I plan on starting a rainy day craft box and can’t wait to dive into projects with him. I’m looking forward to establishing a foundation for our family and giving my children plenty of moments to cherish for the rest of their lives.

I’m also hoping that my husband and I can begin to settle in and rediscover who we were and who we have become as a couple. We’re so used to being Mommy and Daddy that we sometimes forget to be Brittany and Johnathan. My kids are the most important thing in my life, but my children exist within my marriage. More than ever, I realize how very important it is to maintain my marriage from the very beginning.

The days have been cloudy, and I’m anxiously waiting for a ray of sunshine. There doesn’t seem to be much hope until late in the weekend, and even then, the forecast calls for partly cloudy skies. I think the clouds are having too much influence over my mood. I’m feeling incredibly dark and moody, but perhaps it’s due to the fact that I will be moving this weekend. Establishing a home is exciting, but it’s also complicated and stressful at best. I know that blue skies will return, and when they do, I will once again admire the sunrise over Lake Lanier. Each morning is different from the morning before, and it reminds me that each day has something unique in store.