Friday, February 04, 2005

"...you might have to crawl even after you walk"

The night was long, but the morning has been longer still. Even after settling comfortably among the sheets, thoughts were swirling like mad...detached thoughts...tired thoughts. I feel so worn. I feel so removed...an emotional void. Aspirations lie in a heap at my feet, and all I can do is stare stupidly while they are swept into the dustpan of reality. Heh. What is the reality?

I only allow myself to see what I want to see...what I need to see. To see anything else leaves me feeling hollow and without direction. It's moments like this that I despise myself for letting the numbness wear off. It shouldn't get to me - I'm used to it. It is moments like this that I despise my blind obstinacy...the faint glimmer that leads in an endless dance of perplexity.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

sounds very melancholy

Erin said...

I miss my Brittany! How sad, I've always known what you were talking about, even if you're incredibly cryptic :( We are going to do something next week, and that's that! I'm praying for ya, and I hope your weekend is super!

Anonymous said...

oh i hope that empty feeling goes away--the way to feel the most alive is to rest in God. I LOVE YOU!!