Friday, December 17, 2004

Every second...every moment...

There is such a hush over the household. I'm so used to the noisy hum of communal living that I can scarcely think for the silence…

The happenings of the semester keep playing endlessly in my mind. When I reflect on the past four months, I can hardly believe so much took place in so little time. Was it really just four months ago that I dreaded going back to Milledgeville? What happened within those four months to change my regard for the city from foe to haven?

I remember those first days with a little bit of humor and a lot of irritation. Things were not nearly as bleak as I would have made them out to be, but I did not realize this at the time. Given the shift of mind and the inevitable growth that comes with change, I now see how much of my "misery" was self-inflicted and pointless. Not to say that it was meaningless...it certainly meant the world at the time, but I think you know what I mean.

September went smoothly and by that point, I found myself in a flurry of activity. Meetings to attend, events to plan, people to meet, new friends to make, requirements to fulfill, and absolutely no time to worry about anything other than day to day activities...well...almost no time. My plan for shutting out the world (while simultaneously welcoming it with open arms) was working beautifully. Haha.

In October, I had a reality check that seemed to bring everything back into focus. Why was I doing what I was doing and where was it going to take me? Remember happiness? In some ways, October saved me...in other ways, it merely caused me to change my course again. I will never be able to explain the transformation that took place during the last few weeks of October, but I know that I emerged with a new perspective. Without even realizing it, I had formed a new way of reacting...a way of bowing to what was currently inevitable...accepting.

November was rather uneventful except for sudden bursts of dissension here and there. I don't really remember much except for the wild finish. The hubbub surrounding initiation, conflicts flying from all ends, relentless rain, panic over finals, awe-inspiring sunsets, and moments that must have been a dream. Despite the crazy uncertainty that has been a recurring theme, despite the convictions, despite the drama - things ended very well...much better than I anticipated in early August. I am stronger and better equipped to deal, even if I don't necessarily want to (although I'd rather not be tested on that any time soon - hehe). This semester has been one of thankfulness. I'm not sure if there has ever been a point in my life where I have been so appreciative of the amazing beauty that surrounds me. There is beauty in everything, especially nature. I'm thankful for everything that has occurred in my life because it has lead me to today. I'm happy, relatively satisfied with current events, and eager to see what waits in the semester ahead. Yay! Everything currently seems so full of life and hope. We'll see...

Late-night chats. Early-morning walks. Driving halfway to Macon at..er...1. HEA (gotta love it). Insanely long board meetings. The longest night. Crazy trip in the rain. A revelation. Convulsive laughter (bathroom story). Orange shoes (and more convulsive laughter). Music. The best friends in the world. Knowing glances. Temper tantrums (mouse). Bug stories. Emotional snaps. The whistle. Wal-mart! Frosty runs. Pumpkins. SAI (my girls!). New friends. Old friends. New experiences. I love you. Bible Studies. And the list goes on...

I could go on for forever, but I'll stop now (you can thank me later ;-)). Nothing would have been possible without the love and support of my family. I have been so blessed to have such wonderful individuals in my life. I can never thank you enough for everything you have done for me over the past (almost) twenty years. Much love. To my wonderful friends...you guys are awesome. I've raved about you often enough, so just believe that I love you more than you will ever know. The one who deserves all the glory, however, is my amazing savior. God has so richly blessed me in so many ways. I will never deserve the love he bestows on me daily. Too often it is easy to forget the one who makes it all possible. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:7

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