Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
If it is not this, it is not love.
I'm sitting here alone in my room, staring at a computer screen and contemplating my next move in the chess game of life. My eyes are heavy, and I'm too tired to care about anything of importance. Something urges me, however, to reach a conclusion before my head hits the pillow.
Intense scrutiny of myself has yielded less than agreeable conclusions. I will forego elaboration. Analysis of others is even worse because there can never be a finalization. Questions have been answered time and again, but I'm tired of battling the ever-ready tidal wave of new doubts. For every reassurance, contrasting forces argue their case. Bitter attacks come in rounds. Every time there is peace, another series breaks the concord. I am sorry for the disappointment I have caused certain individuals, but the price is becoming too much to bear. I am willing to accept the cost, but feel that the burden has become unnecessarily heavy.
More than anything, I want to erase the pain I see. I would do almost anything to make it right again. I have been strongly encouraged to follow the advice of the previously mentioned individuals. Their words are numbing, flying in the face of a thousand other expressions, but perhaps they are correct. After all, I have many comely half-vocalizations, but absolutely nothing to show for it. I resign.
I hate, loathe, and despise uncertainty, but such is the spice of life, eh? Okay, so it's "variety", but who cares? Are you really going to argue with me at this point? ;-) I wait to see what happens; time is the only true measure of anything. It serves to heal and make known.
Now we come to my favorite part of every day. Sleep.
In this time of Thanksgiving, it feels unsuitable to impart such difficulty to my readers. But through difficult times, we learn to appreciate that much-anticipated repose. I am very aware of the fact that I have no "real" problems in comparison to a large number of people. Even with everything that has happened this week (is it only Wednesday?!), I am truly blessed. God is amazing.
"...make us truly thankful." I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. Love.
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