"Nothing's the same as you will see when she's gone..."

I sat down to write volumes on how tired I was of everything...to ramble about how nothing would ever change, but something stopped me. ::sigh:: No matter how upset I am, it can't be helped, and I refuse to add more unnecessary stress for others. I have tried so hard to understand, but I'm left feeling perturbed and discouraged. I can follow everything to a certain point, but after that, I fall away. I feel like I am falling away even though I don't want to.

I assumed that the feeling of resignation, which has prevailed for about a week now, was perhaps the answer from God that I have been looking for. As I was drifting into sleep last night, however, it hit me like a ton of bricks that it has been at least that long since I have attended my regular Bible Studies or had devotion time.

I'm not saying my feeling is baseless or wrong. All I was saying was that perhaps I shouldn't be so hasty to assign God the credit until I get back into the groove of things. I still don't agree with many points, but it wouldn't change a thing to argue them. I am trying to adopt a new mode of thinking to make things easier. I'm going to start taking better care of myself physically and spiritually because it's really catching up. God will open another window and give me peace.