Thoughts meander like a restless wind

The big 2-7

2012-01-11T21:44:00.005-05:00

I turn twenty-seven on Saturday. I'm not devastated to find myself one year closer to the dreaded 3-0, but it does seem a bit surreal. I'm pretty sure my kids are more excited about my birthday than I am. David has already made me two birthday cards, and we're not even to the big day yet! His last card cheerfully informed me that in honor of my date of birth, he would be glad to play with me in Emily's play kitchen. All three of them have enjoyed whipping lavish dinners into imaginary being, and all I have to do is sip, slurp, nod, and rattle off food items.

After her bath tonight, Ava kept screaming heartily about something being "huck." For anyone who doesn't speak AWM, that roughly translates into "stuck." I kept saying, "What's stuck? No, you're not stuck." In the midst of Ava's hysterics, Emily pulled out pajamas and announced that she wanted to dress her baby sister. Ava was in no mood to be dressed by Emily, but the more I discouraged her, the closer Emily inched toward a complete meltdown. In one of those "enough" moments, I threw up my hands, walked out of room, and said, "Fine. Dress her. But if she gets angry and kicks your front teeth out, don't say I didn't warn you." Even after her pajamas were secured (with protests from both sides), Ava continued to wail like a lost soul. I finally grasped the situation when she ran to the bathroom, pointed at the tub, and reiterated "ih huck!" My youngest child has developed a fear of things getting stuck in the drain. When the water is let out of the tub, she bravely holds all of her toys away from the sucking, swirling monster and screams like mad if something escapes her grasp and lands in the hole. I have observed this behavior, but Johnathan has not, and as it so happens, Johnathan was the one to take Ava out of the tub tonight. Her toys...were stuck. As I scooped Ava's toys to safety, Emily ran into the bathroom, gave me a toothy grin, and declared, "I still have my teeth!"

"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." - Voltaire

Hmm

2012-01-03T22:43:00.002-05:00

It would seem that I have been rather neglectful with my writing. Truthfully, I haven't wanted to write for quite some time. Putting my thoughts on the page started feeling more like a chore and less like the release it was intended to be.

I'm feeling more inspired lately, and I hope it's a sign that my scribbling strike is over. I record day to day life events elsewhere, so I hope that this can be a place for higher thought. The idea is almost laughable since I seem to exist only to eat, sleep, cook, clean, and bathe children. When is there ever a spare moment for something other than the most basic, necessary thought processes?

Time will tell.

Long time no see...

2011-05-07T23:25:00.001-04:00

I first began writing the following passage somewhere near the beginning of last week. The timing no longer applies, but I hate going to the trouble of writing something and then not posting it, especially when I have so little time to write. I was recapping the craziness that happened during the last week of April and it reads as follows:

“The wheels in my brain are spinning in place, and I feel both mentally and physically exhausted. When we heard that bad weather was heading into the state last Wednesday evening, we packed up and headed to my Mom’s house for the night. I realize that my own humble abode has been in its rightful place for more than thirty years, but the knowledge that there is a basement under my feet provides a better sense of security. The tornado sirens first started going off before the kids ever went to bed. The first storm passed to the north of us, but when we stepped out on the porch to listen to the mournful warning, the air was ominously heavy and still. Shortly after the kids fell asleep on an air mattress in the hall, sirens began sounding once more. This time we all trooped to the basement and lugged mattresses down behind us. I clutched my new Red Cross Emergency Radio and listened to the mono-tone weatherman rattle off details. The lightning flashed incessantly and the air was no longer still. The wind whipped trees around mercilessly, and I snuggled closer to my sleeping baby for comfort. Somewhere around 11:45, I heard the sirens going off for the third time. They started a fourth run around 12:30, and I finally gave into sleep…come what may. Around 2:30, I woke to stillness. The mattress I was laying on had been losing air, and Johnathan and I were very close to sleeping on concrete. We hadn’t blown away and the house was still intact. People to the northwest of us had not fared as well. Ringgold and Trenton were slammed, and Tallapoosa, Alabama was devastated by a tornado with a path a mile wide. That same night, we got a grim call from Johnathan’s mother, telling us that his hospitalized grandfather had taken a turn for the worst. I took off work Friday, and we drove down to Guyton for the weekend. That night we rode to Savannah with Meghan and Stephen and visited Grandpa McGowan on the MIS unit. Tubes, beeping monitors, and glaring lights…it’s a wonder anyone ever manages to get well in such a harsh environment. On Saturday, he was moved to a regular room and we were able to take the kids for a visit.”

My writing stops there. We were amazed by the progress Johnathan’s grandfather made over the course of one day. He was sitting up in bed watching the Royal Wedding, and when dinner came around, he practically cleaned his plate. It was the first meal he had eaten in four days. Seeing a renewed interest in food was an encouraging sign that he was on the upward swing. Grandpa McGowan has since been sent home, and from what I have heard, is doing well. He is on oxygen and is still having a hard time moving around. There will be a definite change in way of life, but Johnathan’s aunts and parents are helping his grandmother care for him over the next few weeks.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I requested a trip to the Rhododendron Festival in Hiawassee in honor of the occasion. Johnathan spent four hours doing yard work this morning, and I spent four hours cleaning up after children. As soon as their beds were made, my little angels decided that they wanted to “pretend” to take naps. That would never happen if I actually WANTED them to lay down. For every step I took, they took steps in three different directions. For every mess I stopped in its tracks, two more were popping up behind my back. Johnathan is at an Atlanta Symphony concert tonight, so my house is unusually quiet. The kids and I went to Rhonda's house after dinner, and we spent most of our time chasing bubbles with Chelsea. We got home shortly after 8:00, and it took the better part of an hour for me to get all three children in bed. Since then, I have been sitting in solitude, making videos, and thinking less-than-deep thoughts. I think it's time for some warm milk and a good book.

Captain Vegetable

2011-04-09T22:39:00.003-04:00

"Today is gone, today was fun, tomorrow is another one!" Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

Around 9:30 this morning, Meghan, Alaina, and I made our way from Guyton to Statesboro in search of a Farmer's Market. Around 10:00 a.m. we entered the market area and proceeded to purchase various and sundry items. These items include (but are not limited to) Charleston Tea (Plantation Peach Flavor), Sweet Onions, Fresh Raisin Bread, Handmade Crafts, Fried Pies, Strawberries, Shelled Garden Peas, Tomato Plants, Basil, and one Blueberry Bush.

I'd call that a successful morning.

Overall, I was pleased with prices and look forward to visiting more local markets in the future. Everything just looked so edible! It was refreshing to see clean, crisp looking vegetables instead of wilted, pre-packaged greens. And the strawberries were so red and flawless that they almost looked fake. I plan to give more support to local farmers. From what I saw today, it's better prices for better produce. I will reserve final judgment until we eat our fresh garden peas.

I feel like the biggest nerd on the face of the planet for being this excited over produce.

News Flash

2011-03-06T00:09:00.003-05:00

The world seems to have gotten rather crazy lately, so here's a brief rundown.

Protesters have taken to the streets of Wisconsin to protest the Governor's anti-union proposals, which would strip state employees of collective bargaining rights. I'll be the first to admit that I don't get exactly what that means. I mean...I know what collective bargaining is, but the whole concept of unions is one that is lost on me. At any rate, people are pretty upset about losing their rights. Democratic senators have left the state to keep from voting on the Governor's proposals. Kind of makes me wish that I had paid more attention during political science.

Let's move to the other side of the world. Libya to be more precise. Inspired by other pro-democracy movements in the Arab world, Libya began its own protests against the dictator who has ruled the country for forty-two years. The man is eccentric. Corruption is everywhere. Fighting rages. We'll see how the U.S. gets involved as things continue.

Lastly, Charlie Sheen has flipped his lid. His TV show was canceled, he has been giving interviews left and right, and has been captured saying things like, "high priest Vatican assassin warlock." The man has entered pop culture lore.

In my own life, the most interesting things to happen this week are:

1) We flipped our living room. Everything is backwards from how it used to be.
2) I started working on writing biographies with my uncle for Haggai Institute.
3) Ava has now started referring to herself as "AA." Love it.

Laughing at life

2011-01-20T09:39:00.000-05:00

Johnathan had a minor procedure done on Monday of this past week, and unfortunately, I’m not sure that I was cut out to be a very good nurse. …at least not where my husband is concerned. Early experience in our marriage taught me that Johnathan does not deal well with his own pain and/or illness. If he were my child, I would stand over him and spoon Gatorade into his mouth when he has a stomach bug. But given that he is a grown man, I usually just expect him to know that he should try to get some fluids. I will go as far as taking him a pack of Saltines and a bottle of Gatorade, but after that, I can do no more. …and I suppose that’s why we’ve taken two trips to the hospital for stomach bug-related dehydration in the past two years. But all in all, Johnathan’s a good sport, and I just like to give him a hard time. In fact, I felt so bad for him on Tuesday that I stopped by the store to get him Saltines, Chicken Noodle Soup, and Ginger Ale. When I got home, I started fixing supper for the kids and simultaneously fixed Johnathan some Chicken Noodle in my favorite soup bowl. When I took it to him, I pulled the coffee table over to the couch…partly so that Ava couldn’t get to it and partly so that Johnathan wouldn’t have to move. I had been thinking that perhaps I should try harder to be more mothering. Sure, he’s a grown man, but everyone likes to be babied when they don’t feel well. About that time Johnathan looked at me and sighed, “Ya know…I really have to go pee, but there’s a coffee table in my way.” In that moment, I started laughing and stopped berating myself so much…and Johnathan (also laughing) managed to move the coffee table for himself.

It's raining birds

2011-01-08T22:43:00.003-05:00

I hope that birds falling from the sky and dead fish washing on shore aren't signs that the world is on the brink of destruction. Over the course of the week, dead birds have rained from the sky in Arkansas, Texas, Sweden, New Zealand, London, and now Italy. Fish are also washing up in astonishing numbers and as of this moment, the WWF is not sure what is causing the deaths. I didn't pay much attention to the reports to begin with, but with the numbers increasingly daily, it's becoming harder to ignore.

When I was thinking of birds, I remembered that Mom and I had an interesting bird encounter at the beginning of this week. Unlike the blackbirds and doves that have been falling from the sky, our bird was much larger and predatory in nature. It was still mostly dark when we left for work Tuesday morning and as we rounded a curve on Concord Road, Mom put on the breaks to keep from hitting a barn owl that was sitting in the middle of the road. The headlights must have blinded the poor thing, but it didn't even flinch. It stared straight at us and held its ground like it was daring us to try and steal its prey. There was a rather bloody rabbit in the owl's clutches and it must have been too heavy for the bird to fly away with. As Mom edged out of the road to go around the owl, it flapped its wings and started dragging dinner across the road. I have never seen anything quite like that and thought that it was a neat way to start the work week. With any luck, this work week will start with an excused snow day. Bring on that five to seven inches of snow!

I find in you

2011-01-03T22:30:00.003-05:00

"...and when the kids are old enough, we're going to teach them to fly." Dave Matthews is inspiring me. I want to light some scented candles and start planning a cross country vacation for the family.

I suppose I can't really plan a family vacation yet, but Johnathan and I will be planning our anniversary trip over the next few months. We will celebrate five years this fall and I am requesting five days to ourselves...one for each year that we have been married. It will be our first real alone time since before David was born. I alternate between wanting to see as much as I can see during those five days and wanting to sleep for five days straight. Sometimes a road trip sounds ideal and sometimes I just want to hole up at a resort somewhere.

When I think about our relationship, I'm very happy with the progress we have made since we got married. We had a rocky start, but with each year that passes, we're a little happier than we were the year before. Still, I know that inevitably, harder times will come. I began to think about current steps I can take to help strengthen my marriage against future storms. I have always felt that faith should play an important role in a marriage and this is an area that has been an on and off struggle for Johnathan and I. We come from very different denominations, so it is sometimes hard for us to find a meeting place. But as I thought about how we could grow closer spiritually, the answer slapped me in the face. With shame, I realized that I don't pray for my husband as I should. I'm usually preoccupied with immediate needs and rarely think to pray for the man who walks beside me day in and day out. I can also spend more time in prayer for our relationship as a couple. I want to make considerable effort to fix this portion of my spiritual life.

Caramel Apple Cider weather!

2010-10-14T14:40:00.002-04:00

How is it October, and when did the year start moving so fast? I doesn’t seem possible that February’s snow storm was eight months ago. Ava wasn’t even close to walking and had to sit grumpily in the wagon while her brother and sister threw snowballs. Come to think of it, Ava has only been tottering around for a few months, but yet it seems as if she has been walking for forever. Time is a series of contradictions.

We jumped into the first weekend of October with our annual trip to the pumpkin farm. It was way too crowded and the fun was overshadowed by David’s queasy stomach, but he was feeling significantly better by the time we left the farm and drove up to Amicalola Falls. It was an enjoyable day, but there was something very funky about it. At every turn, there was an obstacle…like there was an outside force working to break up the harmony of the weekend. That feeling came to a head when Dad and Natalie had a motorcycle accident while coming down Highway 60 out of Suches. They were okay minus some nasty road rash and a few stitches, but it was the final (most dramatic) event in a long series of strange occurrences. When the sun went down Sunday evening, however, I walked around in my driveway and felt a wave of peace and contentment. The air was crisp and still, and for a brief moment, time seemed to freeze. The sun hung on bravely for a few more seconds before it slipped quietly below the horizon. There was no wind and no birdsong. I was the only person in the world, and I felt nothing except a oneness with nature. Those moments used to occur so frequently for me, but now they are a rare gift. I went back into the house feeling refreshed and renewed. I’m so thankful for the quality time spent with my wonderful family, and I’m even more thankful for God’s protective hand on my Dad and Natalie.

The girls were baptized that Sunday, and while I had mixed feelings on the subject, I couldn’t deny that they looked positively angelic in their poofy white dresses. Johnathan and I come from opposite ends of the Christian spectrum. He was raised in the Catholic church, and I’m the daughter of a Baptist minister. One denomination baptizes infants and sees it as the beginning of salvation. The other denomination feels that salvation should come first…and then baptism after salvation (to represent our old life being buried and raised anew in Christ). In the end, we decided to meet in the middle and have the girls baptized in the Lutheran church. I will certainly not object if my children express a desire to be baptized again once they’re older and make a decision to follow Christ. When I told David and Emily as much, Emily looked up at me with large, solemn eyes and earnestly said, “I want to follow Him.” It was so plain and so simple, and something about her statement made me feel unexplainably sad. I suppose I was frustrated by my lack of preparedness for her statement. I couldn’t find any words to say, so I just smiled at her and tried not to cry. We’re taught about the “faith of a child”, but yet I have a hard time believing that my child knows enough about Jesus to know what she means when she says, “I want to follow.” But yet there are things that she probably sees more clearly than I do…things that I have forgotten how to see. Our own faith gets clouded by life, but Emily is still at the point where there are no doubts…nothing but the idea of this wonderful person named Jesus…someone she thinks sounds worth knowing more about.

This week is passing so slowly, and I’m beginning to feel the end-of-the-year blahs. I love fall and pretty much everything about it, but I dread the cold weather that will inevitably follow. My dread of cold is probably worse than the cold itself, so I suppose I should focus on the happy aspects of winter. Like piles of blankets, cheerful fires, and the reassuring click and hum of the furnace. Oh! And most importantly, the much-needed extra hour of sleep that occurs at the end of day-light savings time. Mentioning sleep deprivation reminds me that these days, I almost always find myself stuck somewhere between laughter and tears.

On Saturday, we got up bright and early so that we would make it to the fair during the hour block of free admission. We decided to walk around the heritage village in the hopes that some of the ride lines would thin out. We wandered through the petting zoo and let David and Emily feed the goats. Then we stopped to look at the cotton gin, and Emily got a handful of fluffy cotton from the man running the machine. While Emily enthused over her treasure, David paced back and forth in front of the steam engine shed and pointed out his favorite aspects for each one. We crossed the bridge over the creek and entered the Indian village. We spent the longest amount of time in this area, listening to natives speak in the council house and then walking through booths lined with beadwork, jewelry and woven goods. When I opened the door to the “smoke house”, I screamed and jumped back. I large black snake had slithered quickly across the entrance. Mom’s husband came forward to look for himself and I saw the snake move across again…. But this time I saw the head and realized that it was rubber. David, however, ran shrieking to my Mom and tried to scramble up her as if she were a tree. He was borderline hysterical, but all I could do was laugh…with more relief than amusement. I suppose the workers get bored and need a bit of entertainment now and then. The prankster came out and talked to us for a bit, and I almost forgave him for his fun at my expense. Almost. From that point, we hit the fair in earnest and started riding rides. The first ride was the carousel. Emily and David rode horses that were side by side, and Johnathan and I stood on either side of them and endured. I couldn’t see David very well, but Emily’s face glowed happily the whole time the ride was in motion and by the end, I found myself laughing and smiling with her. The older two rode several things by themselves, and we finally limped home shortly before three o’clock. Emily shut her fingers in the car door, but thankfully, didn’t actually hurt anything. The baby tried to follow David and Emily out into the fenced portion of the yard and they wound up shutting the baby’s foot in the door. I threw down the laundry I had been folding and raced in the kitchen to see Ava lying on her back with her poor little foot stuck, stuck, stuck. David was already looking horrified, and Emily quickly said, “David did it.” Poor David. I’m afraid I was rather hard on him, but obliviousness is one of his biggest problems. When I went storming through the house to deliver a similar angry speech to Emily, she was standing on top of her toy box (in the closet) and was hidden behind our coats. You would think that she was trembling in the face of her mother’s rage, but no… When I pulled the coats back, I saw a happy little face grinning through at me. Later on, I was playing hide and seek with the kids and marveling over Emily’s knack for hiding. I had searched for her everywhere and finally found her curled up in the storage cabinet that we use as a pantry. She had climbed up on the second shelf and was lying on top of the canned goods. How she managed this without knocking all the cans out, I will never know. David and I worked on his scrapbook for Boy Scouts, and I decided that we make a pretty good team when it comes to projects like that. When I talked to my Dad later that evening and he asked how my day had been, I thought of every crazy, frustrating, exciting, laughable event and informed him that it had been a regular day.

This week is finally drawing to a close. David has his first parent-teacher conference of the year tonight, and I’m annoyed with myself for feeling nervous. Why should I be nervous? David has early release tomorrow, so I took off work so that we could head down to Guyton earlier than normal. It’s going to be a gorgeous, blustery day with plenty of sunshine. It will be great weather for David’s “Fun Run” at school tomorrow morning. I’m looking forward to sleeping an hour later tomorrow, and I’m already feeling less stressed simply knowing that I have several more hours to pack and get ready to leave. I think the next few days will be pleasant ones. And even though I have to come back to work on Monday, it’s only five more weeks until Thanksgiving! I have four holidays between now and the end of the year, and I also have three unused vacation days to space out over the course of eight weeks. I think I can handle that. (smile)

Long time no see

2010-09-16T15:54:00.001-04:00

And so another summer is drawing to an end. This summer was one of the hottest in recent memory, and the whole state saw 100+ heat indexes day after day for several weeks in a row. There were several nights in July when even nighttime failed to bring any relief from the heat. The air was heavy…stifling…and I began to wonder if I would ever get another decent night’s sleep. But the end of August saw a break, and on the first day of September, I woke for the first time in months and groped in the darkness for a blanket. The air coming through our open window was chilly and refreshing. I lay there in the early morning light and tried to retrace my steps through summer.

In early June, I began teaching piano lessons for the daughter of some family friends. She’s almost seven years old…bright, energetic, and eager to learn. It feels good to play again, and there’s a certain emotional freedom that only exists when I’m touch those black and white keys. On the weekend before David’s sixth birthday, we took an afternoon trip to Tybee Island with the McGowan/Lacienski clan. Jessica Hayes flew in from Los Angeles the following week and organized a trip to Stone Mountain the second weekend in June. I hadn’t seen the laser show since high school, and it was nice to chill on the lawn with close friends. Two weeks after our previous visit, we went back to Guyton to celebrate Grandma McGowan’s 80th birthday, Alaina’s birthday, and Father’s Day. I took the following Monday off and had lunch with my old friend, Brittany D. That night, Hannah and I started a short-lived tradition of walking at Rock Creek park. At the end of the month, the kids attended Bible school. It was David's second year attending and Emily's first year. They had a blast and seemed to learn a lot. Emily showed a particular enthusiasm for singing and dancing, while David showed the most appreciation for recess.

At the beginning of July, my in-laws came up to install a much-needed window unit in the girl's bedroom. It was an early birthday present for Ava and arrived in the middle of an unrelenting heat wave. Perfect timing. Shortly before their arrival, Emily developed a fever that wound up lasting six days. While Johnathan and I took David and Ava to see fireworks, Emily crashed on the couch with her grandparents and controlled the television for the evening. The next morning, our family lined up along Tribble Gap Road and watched the steam engine parade. Ava sat happily in Granmere's lap, Emily fell asleep between Grandma and Grandpa, and David fought his way to the front to gather candy. Emily's fever left as quickly as it came, and exactly one day later, David picked up the same illness. Rinse and repeat. Six days of fever and fatigue. Then poof! Gone. One day after David's fever lifted, Ava came down with the same illness. Little miss was feeling a bit better by her first birthday and had perked up enough to enjoy her birthday dinner. Dad and Natalie stopped by to help us celebrate, and then Ava's first official party was on the third weekend of the month. In an unusual gesture, she turned her nose up at BBQ, but still showed plenty of appreciation for her strawberry cake. On the second to last weekend in July, we went down to Guyton for our monthly visit and celebrated Ava’s birthday with yet another family dinner. David and Emily stayed down for the entire following week, and I went home to rest up and gear up for Lori’s wedding. On July 31st, I had the privilege of taking photos at my friend Lori’s wedding. It was my first experience doing wedding photography, and while I was extremely nervous, I also had a lot of fun. The bride was beautiful, the colors were gorgeous, and the church was spectacular. The weather was a discouraging 100 degrees on that bright, sunny day, but we were fortunate to spend most of our time inside. I learned that an external flash would have been helpful and decided that I will eventually take a class and get some kind of certification in photography. All I needed was a launching pad and a little bit of encouragement.

August signaled the beginning of school, and yesterday was the mid-point of September. On the second day of the month, Johnathan and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. I still enjoy the simple things the most and still have those overwhelming moments where I realize that I married “that” guy…the one I giggled about with my roommate. The one I could stand in a parking lot with and talk to for hours. The one who drives me crazy with his arguing style. The one who baffles me with his computer obsession. Four years later, as Shania Twain once said, “…[he’s] still the one I run to, the one that I belong to.” We’re still capable of screaming matches, but we’ve also gotten a lot better at saying, “I’m sorry.” It’s amazing to me that you can get closer and closer to someone…and just when you think you can’t get any closer to each other, another year passes and you find that things are better than they’ve ever been.

I can’t wait to start our fall festivities. We’re already gearing up and doing work around the house. Pressure washing, painting, planting, decorating. Everyone feels a spark of motivation now that there’s a nip in the air every morning.

Have I mentioned how much I adore my crazy life?

Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy

2010-04-09T12:01:00.001-04:00

I’m sitting here marking time and waiting for the moment that I can escape into the sunshine. It’s a perfect spring day. There isn’t a cloud in the sky, and brilliant unending blue stretches as far as the eye can see. Even the sunshine itself looks happy just to be in existence. There was rain yesterday, so the pollen count is significantly lower and the air lacks its former yellow tinge. Dogwoods, jasmine, and apple trees are taking over for the Bradford pear and plum trees. I want to find a peaceful mountain cabin on clear, clean lake where I can hide away for the next week I would grill hamburgers, hike through the woods, and might even try my hand at fishing. In the evenings, I’d sit on the screened-in porch and let the night bugs serenade me as I read my favorite book. But things like spring break don’t exist in my working world, so I have to content myself with dreams.

Slowly going crazy am I

2010-02-26T13:52:00.001-05:00

I started writing this account weeks ago, but I'm not sure I ever published it.

My good friend Erin and I met for coffee on a rainy Thursday afternoon. We sat in front of the window and chatted while staring at the gray world outside. As usual, our conversation covered a wide array of topics…and we eventually fell on the topic of babies. I was commenting on my initial reaction (read: freak out) when I discovered that I was pregnant with Ava. Erin supposed that my “knee jerk” reaction was a normal response for someone who didn’t expect to have another baby. She then related that if she and Gary wound up in the same situation, she supposed that there would be an initial freak-out over their lack of space. We then starting discussing all the possible places a baby could sleep. Dresser drawers. Bookshelves. Possibly even a closed bookshelf. When I questioned the amount of air that would be able to travel through the closed bookshelf, Erin blew off my concern and responded with, “Eh…how much air do they need, anyway…?” We laughed and went onto another topic, but later I began to wonder if the other inhabitants of the coffee shop had heard our conversation. It was a typical exchange for us…sarcasm mixed with our own quirky brand of humor, but how crazy must we have sounded to someone on the outside?

A brand new sidewalk

2010-02-23T09:44:00.001-05:00

One thing about college towns… The inhabitants all look so much younger than I remember feeling at the time. My first time on a college campus was when I was a sophomore in high school. My long-suffering parents drove me up to Clemson so that I could visit my then-boyfriend. When he broke up with me a month later, I detested him…but I set up an even greater dislike for the college girls who took him away from me. They were a breed not to be trusted. They seemed so much older…wiser…more mature and confident than I could ever hope to be. I forgave the guy (and the girls) almost as soon as I walked into my own dorm room two years later. I forgave him even more when I realized how hard it is to hold onto things back home. It was my turn to feel older, wiser, mature, and confident. Freedom. Enlightenment. All coupled with a heady mixture of responsibility and irresponsibility.

The past two weekends have found me walking the college paths that Johnathan and I walked along four…five…six years ago. Instead of walking my dog on front campus, I hold the hand of a three-year-old. The mirrors on campus have become much less friendly over the past few years. They make my eyes look old and tired. In fact, people in general have become less friendly. Professors smile greetings as they always did, but students turn uncaring eyes in my direction. I’m no longer one of them. They look...young. How ancient I must look to an eighteen-year-old… How young I must look to my grandparents. Time plays interesting tricks on perception, and I’m only beginning to notice.

My biggest regret is that I didn’t get to see more familiar faces while I was in Milledgeville. It’s sobering to realize that most of my old acquaintances have scattered. Subtle change is inevitable…especially as I become even further removed, but as long as the old buildings still stand…as long as the same old trees still whisper, the sleepy city and I will remember each other. It was nice to sit on front campus in the warm sunshine and feel welcome. The worn paths remember my feet as if I were walking there only yesterday. Earth has a longer memory than man.

February in pictures

2010-02-22T11:16:00.001-05:00

High Museum (2/6/10)

High Museum of Art in Atlanta.

Loved the textures of this painting.

We went to see the DaVinci exhibit.

At first I thought, "Comtemplative..." But on second thought, maybe something smells bad.

Looks like it's moving, but it's not.

This is a piece of art by my great, great uncle, and it is featured in the Folk Art section of the High Museum. I was just
expecting something small, but he had his own information board and everything! As it turns out, he's very well known among self-
taught and folk artists all over the southeastern region. His name even appears in several folk art encyclopedias!

ME: Gasp! That is so cool! JOHNATHAN: As long as you don't ever put any of this stuff in our house...

My cousin was coming in as we were going out.

More snow (2/12/10)

Stuff in my back yard.

Johnathan wants to make a snow man.

"If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes, oh what a snow that would be..."

Grin.

I am only slightly amused.

I am not amused AT ALL. You can have this cold wetness.

The creek in my front yard.

Back yard the next morning.

Sweet dreams.

Weekend in Milledgeville (2/20/10)

Alumni weekend.

Fountain at Arts and Sciences.

So proud.

Mom's dog, Maggie.

David, happy to be in the sunshine.

One of the things I miss most about Milledgeville. Creme Brulee lattes.

Picture perfect on a sunny afternoon.

Just chilling.

The outside world is SO interesting!

Classic GC&SU shot.

I dunno... It looked neat.

"Hey! What's that white stuff!?"

2010-01-29T16:26:00.002-05:00

Cloudy with a chance of...SNOW! Temperatures are still in the 40s, but are expected to dip below freezing by early tomorrow morning. They won't start plunging until the heaviest part of the rain has passed through...which means that instead of snow, we're likely to end up with an icy disaster. I'm already wondering how to entertain the children in the event that we're trapped indoors this weekend. I suppose it would be a good time to make Valentines.

Resolutions for a New Year

2009-12-30T16:19:00.001-05:00

It’s the time of year for resolutions, and most of mine involve treating myself a little bit better both physically and emotionally.

1) I want to make an honest effort to start exercising in short bursts every day.
2) I intend to start eating healthier…even if it means cooking vegetables that I have to eat by myself. I’m disgusted every time I feel weighed down by the overly processed junk that has become the easy way out in the kitchen.
3) I desperately need to ensure that I get at least 7 hours of sleep every night…especially on work nights.
4) I need to get back in church, which is something that we’ve let slide since Ava was born. Three are infinitely harder than two!
5) I want to start acting on some of my mental goals, which include (but are not limited to) learning Spanish, super organizing my house, learning guitar the right way, and diving back into music in general. I would also love to seriously pursue the idea of writing…even if I only write for myself.

The theory is that both my work and home life will benefit from these adjustments. Life is short. I don’t want to spend all of it waiting for a moment that is never going to arrive. I’m pretty sure I have to start making moments if I ever want them to happen. Here’s to making them happen in 2010.

Massive photo upload!

2009-12-25T17:37:00.002-05:00

It seems I've been remiss with my updates...photo and otherwise. As a result, I've picked some of my favorite pictures from the past couple months, including our recent Christmas pics. One of my New Year's resolutions is to start blogging more.

Pumpkin babies

2009-10-30T22:56:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting on my couch and listening to the wind rush against the doors and windows of my house. I can't help eying the side door warily...as if the wind might reach out, turn the doorknob, and burst into my living room uninvited.

Stretched out beside me is a three month old in festive pumpkin pjs. The candy corn on her outfit glows in the dark. How perfect is that? She is currently snoozing away with her legs pulled up in a little frog position. Her hands are balled into fists, and her arms are carelessly thrown above her head. She's the picture of contentment. I sometimes think that there is nothing better in the world than watching a baby sleep.

I feel like I can never hold her close enough or long enough.

Again...!

2009-10-11T12:02:00.001-04:00

Some of these are from the beginning of summer, some are stolen from my mother-in-law, and some are from our trip this weekend. Enjoy. I promise I'll stop posting strictly pictures and start writing again one of these days... :-)

Following the leader.

Aunt Meghan hugs.

Playground.

David in his classroom.

Grandparent's Day.

Grandmothers on Grandparent's Day.

Smiling girl.

Sitting with Great-Grandma.

Playing with Aunt Meghan.

Attack!

Pia-pia-piano!

Ghostbusting.

Ghostbusting with Uncle Stephen!

Pumpkin Patch

2009-10-04T01:54:00.001-04:00

Road to the pumpkin farm.

Emily picking out a pumpkin.

David in the pumpkins.

Wall-E eyes.

Em's pick.

Or wait...maybe this one?

David's pick.

First trip to the pumpkin patch!

Granpere and his "bug."

Daddy and punkins!

Granpere and the kids.

Mmm. Fingers.

Hayride.

Look at those eyes!

David, Daddy, and Ava on the hayride.

Another one of our slightly awkward family photos. Look at Ava and David's faces.

Alyssa's wedding shower

2009-10-04T01:51:00.000-04:00

Emily and Granmere at a wedding shower.

Ava and Aunt Jeanette.

D'aww. Ava and Terri.

Nathan. (Alyssa's son)

Alyssa and Joyce.

Why are we on the floor?

Three generations.

Adorable Ava.

Ms E looking doubtful about Nathan's kiss.

Halloween preview.

David gets to hold baby sister when we get home.

Life

2009-10-04T01:49:00.001-04:00

Crazy clouds. Only moments before this picture was taken, I was watching these clouds swirl in a perfect circular pattern in the sky. It was quite strange and a little unnerving!

Ava and Grandma.

Emily's first "hair cut" with Aunt Meghan. (It was a pretend hair cut)

Mommy and Ava snoozing on the couch.

Emily loves her Asian outfit.

Sleeping sisters.

When pigs are dogs...

2009-09-25T13:00:00.001-04:00

Our application for insurance asks the question, "Do you own any animals? If yes, list type and breed(s)." The answer of the day is: "Yes. Dodson/Pig mix."

I wanted to fall out of my chair, laughing. I keep picturing a half dog/half pig animal running around out there. And for some reason, it has wings...

Rain Rain GO AWAY!

2009-09-21T21:06:00.000-04:00

I was roused from slumber by the sound of my mother’s car out in the driveway. I quickly sat up and stared disbelievingly at the clock. The alarm had been going off for twenty minutes and hadn‘t even dented my dreams. I flew out of bed, blindly grabbed some clothes out of my closest, and thanked my lucky stars that Mom was a few minutes early.
On the way to work, we heard that part of I-85 was closed due to flooding from clogged storm drains and that there had been a California-style mudslide on 78 at Hugh Howell Road. As various reports rolled in throughout the day, our boss decided to let us go home at 3:00. That was bumped up to 2:45 when the clouds turned black and the bottom fell out of the sky. The rain was torrential and the road was covered with standing water. I wasn’t incredibly nervous until we reached a large, muddy pool that sent water spraying on both sides of the vehicle. The car felt heavy as it plowed through the water, and I began to wonder if we were ever going to drive out of it. Run-off was blocked by a concrete median, so water was flowing straight down the road. It was a little like riding uphill through a waterfall.
I didn’t have my camera, but these pictures were posted online and were taken near my office.

This is what I could see through the passenger window.

And this is what roads looked like all over metro Atlanta.

Savannah and Home

2009-09-12T00:20:00.001-04:00

My in-law's yard

Savannah (I thought the gash in the tree was neat)

Savannah

I see a red door, and I want to paint it black...

Fountain in Forsyth Park

My yard

Fishing

Textures...

Old ball field beside my house

Picture links

2009-08-25T11:08:00.001-04:00

A typical Monday evening at my grandparent's house.

Emily and David's recent trip to the Pierce's.

It's a beautiful day

2009-08-24T00:25:00.001-04:00

It was a beautiful day and my last full day with all three kids before returning to work. So...

Practice photo

Wind blown (and loving it)

Group hug!

Boys

Girls

Emily making funny faces at her brother

Baby face

Websites

2009-08-17T00:39:00.001-04:00

I updated the kids websites if anyone is interested.

www.freewebs.com/davidmcgowan

www.freewebs.com/emilycmcg

avawrynnmcg.webs.com

Goodnight, world!

Summer winds down

2009-08-11T10:11:00.001-04:00

Last big hoorah before school starts. Jumping into the pool.

Baby's first dip in the pool.

First day of school. More appropriately labeled...first day of the next thirteen years (minimum).

Copying brother.

Distracted by the dump truck going down the road.

Further distracted by the dump truck going down the road...

Completely and utterly distracted by the dump truck. (Please note that we fixed his book bag straps before he got into the car)

Cutest little pouty face in the world.

One Step Beyond

2009-08-06T01:00:00.000-04:00

I fell asleep with Emily without intending to then stumbled clumsily into our bedroom and promptly fell back to sleep while cuddling Ava. I have no idea when I first drifted off, but the world was very dark beyond my window. When I awoke at midnight, however, the moon had transformed the world with its silvery glow. When I leaned forward to stare at earth’s satellite, the light was being refracted in a way that made it look like a star. There was a perfect “x” formed across the moon that gave it the look of a clear, shimmering jewel. The skies are very clear and crisp tonight, and I immediately wished that I were either wandering Milledgeville’s sidewalks, or relaxing under moon glow at Chastain amphitheater. I miss Milledgeville most on beautiful nights. I was never afraid of the dark streets just beyond campus and often enjoyed liberating, thought-filled evening strolls. That kind of freedom is harder to tap into these days, and unfortunately, my thoughts are harder to capture as well.
I’m listening to some sample music on my laptop and enjoying it more than anticipated. My favorite tunes are by Karsh Kale…an Indian American musician who blends Indian music with electronic dance music. There are also a few interesting jazz pieces on here by an Italian duo (vibraphone and marimba). The jazz reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie meets Ray. “Carrie likes jazz…” If it weren’t so late, I’d park myself on the couch with season four and a large bowl of popcorn. But alas. It is late. My tunes have come to an end, and the orb that awakened me has moved beyond my window. Suddenly, I am beyond exhausted…

Over the Rainbow

2009-08-04T23:49:00.001-04:00

David watched closely as I placed several folded outfits inside his suitcase. He then wrinkled his nose and asked, “Where are we going?” I always avoid answering him for as long as possible, so I responded with a non-committal “Wait and see.” When all of the suitcases were lined up at the door, David once again put forth his query. I expected my husband’s response to be the same as mine, but instead, he smiled and answered, “Somewhere over the rainbow.” David’s eyes lit up with slight curiosity. He half-grinned, but wrinkled his nose again…this time with a sniff of disbelief. The car was packed with no further questions regarding our destination, but as the vehicle pulled away from the familiarity of home, curiosity revived. From the backseat, a small voice audibly wondered how we were going to get over the rainbow. There was a part of my son that wanted to believe in the existence of what he knew to be imaginary. I felt a slight knot form at the thought that he would be disappointed by the absence of ruby slippers and lollipop wielding munchkins. My husband, however, continued the ruse and encouraged David to search the sky for rainbows. Interstate 16 is no yellow-brick road, but the route is equally as familiar to David. He eventually recognized that we were en route to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Talk of rainbows diminished at this point except for the occasional sighing admission of defeat. “I do not see the rainbow…” Tall pillars of cottony clouds grew on the horizon, layered with flatter gray clouds that signaled the approach of rain. Five hours into our travels and thirty minutes from our final stop, a ray of sun broke through to form a perfect double arch across the vast sky. My husband and I stared in absolute wonder and disbelief as David gasped and leaned forward in his seat. Here was the long-awaited rainbow. There was no scarecrow to guide us over or wizard to bring us home again, but the existence of that band of color was enough for all of us. There’s nothing like a little bit of divine intervention at the end of a long journey, and I will always think of David’s rainbow as nothing short of miraculous.

This weekend

2009-08-04T23:21:00.001-04:00

Trying to convince Mommy and Daddy to make a whirl pool.

But having more fun getting them wet instead...

And Ms. Ava keeps growing...

Everyday life

2009-07-29T15:02:00.001-04:00

It was a beautiful weekend for some time outdoors.

Occasionally brother and sister decide to work together for a common goal.

Feeding the cows

Ava after her first bath. Yummy towel.

Week so far

2009-07-23T10:06:00.001-04:00

Sleeping in sunshine.

Mommy hugs.

Daddy hugs.

Picnic. Ava's first real outing.

Very awake.

Kiss kiss.

Picking up rocks at the lake.

Cool.

Down by the riverside.

More!

2009-07-16T17:09:00.001-04:00

Staring up at her Daddy.

Ready to ride! Apparently her seat is pretty comfortable. She sighed, snuggled in, and snoozed all the way home.

Emily has never looked so big...

Ava Wrynn McGowan

2009-07-15T22:32:00.001-04:00

Baby Ava is finally here!

Arrived at hospital around 1:00 pm on July 14th and baby girl was born two and a half hours later. She was 7 lbs 3 oz and measured 21 inches. The cord was wrapped tightly around her neck when she got here, and the midwife had to cut her loose. As you can tell in the first few pictures, she was rather pale and in a little bit of shock. Her stats were good, however, so she was merely placed in observation for a couple hours and then returned to Mommy and Daddy. Since then, she has been none the worse for wear, and we are enjoying getting to know our beautiful new bundle. Click on the thumbnail below to see her album so far.

Here kitty

2009-07-10T23:00:00.001-04:00

One of the cats that has decided to call our place home.

Thoughts on living

2009-07-08T15:10:00.002-04:00

I've been so impatient for the arrival of this new baby that I’m neglecting things in the present.

When I first discovered that I was pregnant, I was convinced that something horrible was going to happen. It was an initial freak-out that has long-since passed. I'm no longer terrified by that possibility, but yet... What if something DID happen during labor and delivery? I would have failed to utilize the last few weeks that God has so graciously provided. Instead of soaking up precious time with David and Emily, I would have been unknowingly pushing for the end of my time with them.

This sense of worth in regards to life doesn't just apply to my pregnancy. My current condition is merely a catalyst to my thoughts. Rather, it applies (or should apply) to every second of every day. Why should I ever wish away valuable time...even in the anticipation of something good? Don’t get me wrong. I'm not expecting to catch the next train out of this world, but we never know when things might change for good...or how things might change. It has taken my current impatience to remind me that God has an all-knowing time table. For whatever reason, He has chosen to make us wait for baby Ava longer than we ever expected to. We can't understand the reasons, but yet we have to trust that it's for the best. Perhaps He is merely giving me a few more days to store up one-on-one time with David and Emily. I have had several wonderful moments with my children over the course of the last week...moments where I stopped and stared in wonder at their happy little faces. Those moments might have never come to pass if I had been preoccupied by a screaming newborn. Perhaps it is to help strengthen my relationship with my husband. The nearness of our latest addition and subsequent anticipation seem to have driven us closer together (at least as close as my ridiculously swollen feet will allow).

The bottom line is that I have once again reached a place where I step back and evaluate all that is dear to me. I am determined to slow down, drop the disinfecting wipes, and be held captive by the demands of my children. Instinct insists that I scrub the house into shape, but reason insists that I listen attentively as David teaches me to build a car. And how could I pass up the chance to be tugged through the house by Emily in her dress up shoes? Life is good. The garden smells nicer. The cats are cuter. My books are more interesting. And my husband has gotten me coffee more times in the past few weeks than I ever could have hoped. I'm living happily in the moment. If that moment involves a wee bundle, so be it...but if not, I'll be content to be content in the present.

Independence Day

2009-07-04T23:54:00.001-04:00

David's sunshine squint as he watches the steam engine parade.

Emily isn't quite sure what to make of the parade nonsense. Lots of people and lots of noise.

Miss Patriotic

Pool time at the low country boil.

Everyday happenings

2009-07-04T23:51:00.001-04:00

Finally! Enough hair for pigtails!

My grandfather doesn't grow tomato plants. He grows tomato trees.

Just to give you an idea, the cages around the plant are five feet tall...

Hold me like the river Jordan

2009-06-26T09:04:00.002-04:00

"Thriller" was never my favorite Michael Jackson song, and I don't particularly care for "The Way you Make me Feel" or "Beat It." I was too young to remember or appreciate the "King of Pop" at his absolute highest, and as a result, my favorite song was one that emerged in the early 90s. Will You Be There was in the movie "Free Willy" and was probably my first independent knowledge of Jackson as a musical celebrity. I have always had very mixed emotions in regards to Michael Jackson, and it's a feeling that persists even after his passing. He was both America's icon and America's favorite punching bag. He's adorable and immensely talented as the focal point of the Jackson Five...and yet somewhere along the way, he morphed into a "freakish" individual who was scarily out of touch with reality. Whether you love him for his ground-breaking moves and identifiable vocals...or find his psychologically-warped-man-child antics disturbing beyond all reason, it's undeniable that Michael Jackson changed the music world as drastically as his ever-changing personal appearance.

Another American icon slipped away yesterday as Farrah Fawcett lost her prolonged battle with cancer.

Stolen from Dad!

2009-06-08T10:34:00.001-04:00

David and Daddy.

Talking to Grandma and inviting her to the cookout.

Mournful? Thoughtful? Sleepy?

Oops!

2009-06-08T09:04:00.001-04:00

I think I missed posting this one when I uploaded the other photos!

Dad and Natalie.

Stolen from Mom

2009-06-06T18:15:00.001-04:00

Cute.

Me and my girl.

Happ Birthday, David!

2009-06-06T17:39:00.004-04:00

(Please note: A smudge got on the camera lens about halfway through the birthday party and created a glare on several pictures.)

It's a beautiful day on the lake...perfect for a cookout!

David and Emily pause for some lap time with Aunt Jeanette.

It's a warm day.

Reading birthday cards.

Here comes trouble.

Family.

Sitting with Dennis.

Showing off presents.

Emily gets a present, too!

Cookie face!

The aftermath...

Tentatively stepping in Lake Lanier.

Playing in Lake Lanier.

Looking for rocks.

Throwing rocks.

I throw rocks, too!

Trying on her new bike helmet.

Trying out the new tricycle.

David on his birthday bike!

Summer fun

2009-06-06T17:31:00.001-04:00

Playing in Cousin Rhonda's pool.

Little water baby.

In trying to convince Emily that she needs to take a nap...

Cousin Ben puts himself to sleep, too.

Baby shower

2009-05-29T16:16:00.001-04:00

My plate. I highly recommend scones with clotted cream and fresh raspberries/blackberries.

Emily playing with Amy at the baby shower

When did my baby get so big?

(Note: There was a cute picture of Kristin and David that somehow didn't make it into my uploads. It will follow in time.)

David's Pre-K Graduation

2009-05-29T16:06:00.001-04:00

David's pre-K graduation. I couldn't use the flash because David was too far away...so as a result, he turned out a little blurry. He was a scarecrow...and his class performed various songs from The Wizard of Oz. It was meant to be symbolic of their step into a new world with a heavy emphasis on making dreams come true. (Also note - no matter how many changes occur over the next year, your child will always feel that "there's no place like home.")

Waving his name sign at me. Not sure if he was just waving or trying to make sure I knew who he was. :-)

David's teacher (Dorothy) and teacher's aid (Glenda - the good witch).

Emily destroying her hamburger after David's ceremony.

The sound of silence

2009-05-14T22:04:00.001-04:00

David went to bed around 8:30, and Johnathan put Emily down in her room shortly afterwards. It’s the first night Emily has fallen asleep by herself in her own bed, and it might not have gone as smoothly as it did if she hadn’t been dog tired. Still, I was rather relieved and a little sad to see her take such a big step. Johnathan is out and about on a rare excursion, which means that I’m alone in the house with two sleeping children. They’re both far enough from the living room that I can’t even hear the rustle of sheets when they move…only the steady hum of Johnathan’s computer fan. When my husband headed for the door, he kissed me and said, “Enjoy your silence.” I’m no longer accustomed to such long periods of quiet, and I expected to find it a bit foreign. But instead, I’m welcoming the opportunity for undisturbed thought and remembering what it was like to have moments that were solely my own.

Photo updates

2009-05-12T18:19:00.001-04:00

Our new place

Mother's Day Weekend

Easter recovered (sort of)

2009-05-09T20:48:00.001-04:00

Hoorah! My mother-in-law let me steal some of her Easter photos (since mine were lost in the great memory card crash of 2009).

Emily's first "real" Easter egg hunt

David hunts for eggs in a trickier location.

All the candy inside was melted, but he didn't seem to mind. :-)

2009-04-13T13:26:00.001-04:00

It's a Monday. A nasty, rainy, frustrating, sickening Monday.

I was trying to upload this weekend's Easter pictures using our memory card and my ever-stupid hp photosmart printer. (Please note: The name of this printer would lead you to believe that it possesses some semblance of intelligence, but nothing could be farther from the truth). I left the camera importing photos and went to lunch. When I came back, all of my pictures had been deleted from the memory card with the exception of four random pictures. Four out of more than 300 photos...and it wasn't even four that I could be happy about still having! I wanted to throw up. I considered going home sick, but just went into my Mom's office and bawled instead. It was an awful feeling. I considered all of the shots from the past four years...images that Johnathan made me promise not to delete...images that are absolute never-want-to-lose-them favorites. Gone. Granted, most of them are backed up on either my computer or Johnathan's computer, but I'm especially upset that I never even got to see our Easter photos before they disappeared entirely. There were some great photos of David picking up eggs and some pretty ones of Emily in front of azaleas that matched her dress. We also had a family photo that I was looking forward to having. I could tolerate losing everything else if I hadn't lost Easter with them. Ugh... I just remembered that there was a video of David and Emily playing on the swing set and a thirty second clip of Emily proudly climbing the slide ladder, grinning at me from the top, then sliding down and landing on her backside at the bottom. It's not the end of the world, and I suppose it shows me that I get unreasonably attached to things like pictures and videos.

This is just the latest and most frustrating event in a long chain of mishaps today.

Callaway Gardens

2009-04-01T13:49:00.001-04:00

This is a link to pictures of the kids at Callaway

And these are some of my favorite shots from the day...

Birthday festivities continued

2009-03-25T10:03:00.001-04:00

Emily's second (and final) birthday party for her second year.

The cake. Baked by Grandma. Decorated by Aunt Meghan.

Running to Mommy.

Throwing her arms open to give Mommy (and the camera) a hug.

Wrapping Uncle Stephen a little tighter around her finger.

David hops on the tire swing with some assistance from Aunt Meghan.

Wheeee!

Emily's turn on the tire swing.

Johnathan McGowan. Grill Master.

Love him lots. :-)

Eating hot dogs in her own special way.

The next candles David blows out on a cake will be his own. He's already counting down the days.

Finally. Cake. (She was saying, "Cake! Cake!" from the moment it was placed on the table)

Time for presents.

A little bit of help from Great-Grandpa.

A little bit of help from Aunt Meghan.

Meanwhile, David is investigating a new water toy with Grandpa and Uncle Terry.

Scepter, please.

Princess for a day.

Picture perfect

2009-03-14T10:02:00.001-04:00

I might think about posing for Daddy...

Okay, I'll pose!

Stem cell research

2009-03-10T16:07:00.002-04:00

Stem-cell research is a topic that I know relatively little about, but it is a topic that is being widely discussed in many different circles. Having armed myself with as much information as I could understand, I am now choosing to muddle my way through the issue.

On one hand, stem cell research has been likened to a life or death battle in which it would be irrational not to arm ourselves with the most effective weapons and military knowledge. On the other hand, it is a moral battle that supports the destruction of days-old beings for the sake of (what is at this stage) experimentation.

When stem cells are taken from an embryo, the embryo is destroyed. Many feel that this is nothing short of murder, and I am rather inclined to agree. I feel that life begins from the moment of conception...and whether that embryo is the remnants of an abortion or whether it was created at a fertility clinic, it is still the beginning of a human being. The counter attack for this argument is whether it is more ethical to save what will ultimately be a dead embryo, or save the life of a man with Parkinson's or a child with diabetes. Certainly, the larger crime would seem to be the unnecessary death of an individual for the sake of a fertility clinic embryo that will merely be discarded, anyway. From this angle, I can see the sense in stem cell research. But from this angle only. As much as I disagree with it, abortion is not going to end. If the discarded remains from abortion and fertility clinics can be put to use instead of being trashed, at least some good can come out of what is otherwise senseless waste. But. That begins to pave the way for the creation of embryos for the sole purpose of harvesting stem cells. This is absolutely unethical and seems borderline science fiction. From there, how far do people continue pushing the envelope? At what point do we start cloning humans for spare body parts?

Sure, it seems far-fetched. But as William Saletan says in Slate Magazine, people start lying to themselves and others about what they are doing. It becomes easier and easier to brush moral dilemmas under the carpet. At what point do we lose ethics for the sake of humanity? (I'm imagining my former Eta Sigma Alpha peers debating this issue in our ethics seminar) Mr. Saletan ends his article by stating, "The stem-cell fight wasn't a fight between ideology and science. It was a fight between 5-day-olds and 50-year-olds. The 50-year-olds won. The question now is what to do with our 5-day-olds, our 5-week-olds, and our increasingly useful parts." And I suppose that's where it ends. There's nothing to be done about it, so where do we go from here?

Happy Second Birthday, Emily!

2009-03-08T17:12:00.002-04:00

Opening cards with Daddy on her second birthday.

Brother and sister

Like this!

A little bit of help

Party dress...at least until play time!

Pose

Cake courtesy of Granmere and Aunt Jeanette

Is brother helping her put that hat on...?

...or stealing it for himself!?

Cheeto nightmare

Kristin helps with the punch.

Perfect sunshine

Picking flowers

While brother plays with trucks

Opening presents

Brother helps...

ALOT

But wait! He has presents, too!

Tiring out

Kristin was the chosen one to assemble presents.

Candles part two

Cousins. Notice the stellar red shoes.

In like a lion

2009-03-02T08:58:00.001-05:00

The snow finally came. I tuned into the news Sunday morning to discover that there was already a thick blanket of snow in LaGrange and that the system was spiraling to the northeast. Hoorah! David came home early from his circus adventures with the Pierces, and I spent the next couple hours waiting and watching for the rain to turn to snow. I was rewarded with large, fluffy flakes somewhere around 2:00. It snowed and snowed and snowed, but the snow refused to stick. I tried to content myself with merely watching the beautiful snow showers, but failed completely. I spent the rest of the night raving about how unfair it was that the city of Atlanta was building snowmen…how unreal it was that Milledgeville had snow on the ground when Cumming didn’t. It was a freak system that covered central and northeast Georgia with 3-6 inches, but managed to miss most of the northwest and north central counties completely. We were just on the edge of the accumulation. I have now resigned myself to our fate, and I’m trying to be happy for the lucky ducks that are still wading through snow. I’m one of a handful of individuals who has made it into the office in Gwinnett, and the GUA parking lot is a winter wonderland. A large portion of the office has already called in for the day…some without power…some with six inches of snow in their yard…

I will not be bitter. I will not be bitter. I will not…be…bitter…

(cry)

In more positive news...it should be pleasant and in the mid-seventies just in time for my daughter's birthday party on Saturday. How odd.

2009-02-18T10:29:00.001-05:00

Welcome to Georgia...where the sun shines, tornadoes blow, and snow falls all within the same week.

There is a chance of severe weather today and a likely chance of snow over the weekend. We’ll be in Guyton, which means that we will miss the potential winter wonderland. I’m starting to think that North Georgia only gets snow when our little brood is in Coastal Georgia. It’s a diabolical plot to keep my kids under the impression that snow is merely a figment of their imaginations.

So much has happened in the time since I have written that I barely know where to begin. My cousin was released from the hospital, and my uncle is recovering from his surgery for melanoma. Another cousin’s grandmother passed away, so Johnathan and I postponed our Guyton visit in order to attend the funeral. My mother-in-law came up to avoid another week of grandchild deprivation, and the two of us had an enjoyable morning of shopping. My excursions are generally fast-paced and goal-oriented, and I had almost forgotten how nice it is to browse leisurely. I acquired two pairs of much-needed maternity pants and gazed longingly at adorable items that would no longer fit my expanding waistline.

Following the afternoon funeral, Johnathan and I ventured to Ted’s Montana Grill for Valentine’s dinner. We walked around The Avenue and spent a considerable amount of time in Barnes and Noble. I enjoy the simple things most. There’s a quiet contentment in shivering down a sidewalk with my husband...or unhurriedly flipping through bargain books together. No amount of romantic fanfare could have made me happier than simply existing together in an unspectacular moment.

In only a few days, we will see the first real picture of our future bundle. I’m anxious to verify that everything is progressing normally and excited to discover baby’s gender. We have discussed potential names for girls, but agree that we’re sunk if we have to decide on a boy’s name.

David is continuing to enjoy school and has become quite cooperative around the house. Instead of shirking household chores, he has been eager and willing to take on all manner of tasks...from sweeping to cooking to cleaning his sister’s face. It is amusing and helpful, but makes me realize how quickly he is growing. David has an appointment with a pediatric urologist on Friday to see if we can get to the bottom of his enuresis.
Emily is continually adding words to her vocabulary and perfecting words that are already there. She is beginning to group words together and has learned the effectiveness of “PWEASE?” She still loves singing at the top of her voice and is remarkably adorable in almost everything. Almost...

I’m quite happy at the moment, but perpetually exhausted. I honestly feel that if given the opportunity, I could sleep for days...

When it rains...

2009-02-03T13:59:00.001-05:00

When it rains, it pours.

My aunt’s family has been repeatedly slammed with health concerns over the past few weeks, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that God will never give us more than we can handle.

My aunt Joyce had a cancer scare that turned out to be benign tumors, but on the heels of good news came the hospitalization of her daughter, Denise. Denise had visited the ER with bronchitis...worsened...and been sent away on a second ER visit with medication for a sinus infection. She entered another hospital ER less than 24-hours later and was found to have a serious case of pneumonia. The small hospital in Dahlonega could provide her no further treatment and decided to transfer her to Cumming. Denise was crying and fighting getting into the ambulance, insisting that she couldn’t breathe if they made her lay down. Sure enough...she basically stopped breathing (three breaths per minute) and received a tracheotomy en route. She was placed on life support in Cumming under heavy sedation.

The family watched and waited last night, and Denise remained unresponsive. As of this morning, she was showing improvement and was trying to ask questions about what happened by writing with her finger. She kept trying to interact, so they placed her under sedation again. The infectious disease and pulmonary specialists have been working with her and confirmed the presence of staph infection in her lungs. The infection was present before the onset of pneumonia.

Now it’s a waiting game. In the meantime, Denise’s husband (who suffers from seizures) had a seizure at the hospital and had to be placed in the ER. It has also been confirmed that Joyce’s husband (Denise’s Dad) has melanoma on his scalp and will undergo surgery a week from tomorrow.

Needless to say... The family can use an abundance of kind thoughts and prayers.

Isle of Palms

2009-01-21T09:46:00.001-05:00

Isle of Palms vacation this past weekend. It was a wonderful trip, but astonishingly cold!

Mmm. Waffle fries. Kicking off the long journey with some Chick-fil-A.

David wants his picture taken, too...so he gives me his best smile.

The house we stayed in for the weekend.

It wasn't on the beach, but was just a short walk away from it...

Shortly after sunrise.

It was Emily's first trip to the beach, and she seemed to have some trouble walking in the sand. Luckily, Grandpa was there to help her along.

It's almost impossible to pick up sea shells with mittens.

Big brother seems to be having better luck.

This picture was a complete accident. I didn't mean to press the button...was merely trying to focus on the bird.

Everyone else was frozen and ready to return to the warm indoors, but David was still running around like mad on the beach. He was reluctantly hauled in to the "station" by Grandma.

Sullivan's Island

Sunset. It was already too dark by the time we got there.

Johnathan looks cold...

I look cold...

I was turning around to scold Emily for taking her drink lid off for the millionth time, but before I could get the angry words out, I dissolved into laughter. This face was staring back at me. She did it all by herself and looked quite self-satisfied.

David was not to be outdone and made a silly face for the camera as well.

Belated continued!

2009-01-21T09:43:00.000-05:00

These are a few photos that escaped the uploading process on Monday, but still deserved recognition.

Firetrucks may be our next big obsession...

Hot fun in the wintertime. Sunny seventy-seven degrees two days after Christmas!

Belated Christmas pictures

2009-01-19T11:03:00.001-05:00

Christmas at Granmere's

Do babies prefer bottles, or baby powder?

This looks right...

Hoorah for presents!

Wall-E

Christmas at Granny and Papa's

Recipe for loudness

No pictures, please

A rare lap-sharing moment with Papa

Drawing

Artist at work

Christmas Eve

What's in here?

What?

Swing time with Great Uncle Phillip

Want it?

Em playing with her newest cousin (Alyssa's son, Nathan)

Christmas Day with the McGowans

Christmas morning

Santa Claire...

Grand exit

Love shoes

Model much?

Go, Emily, go!

"Follow me to clapping land, clapping land, clapping land..."

The tractor rides again!

...but David has gotten too big for his box

Trains

Painting set from Aunt Meghan

New Year's Eve at Rhonda's

Baby, it's cold outside

Chelsea sparkles

Working world

2009-01-07T14:58:00.001-05:00

There aren’t many exciting moments in my current job. I don’t meet new people, and my paper work doesn’t vary much from day to day. I am eternally thankful for the stability, but there is no denying that it gets a bit monotonous at times. When the drudgery begins to creep in, I always welcome an occasion to laugh.

I think I might have mentioned this in previous writings, but I keep finding humorous tidbits to add to my list. When applying for liability or homeowners insurance, individuals much list the type and breed of any owned pets.

Some people own datsuns (dachshunds). Some people own rockweilers (rottweilers). And today, I discovered that some lucky individuals own beetles (beagles). Yee-ha. The thing that struck me was the fact that datsuns and beetles are both vehicles.

I recently processed an application for a dwelling in Toombs County. It was a one story frame house on a wide dirt road. Nothing extraordinary except for the extremely large snake at the edge of the road in front of the dwelling. It had the criss-cross diamond markings of a diamond back rattlesnake and looked rather menacing ever in perceived death. It was stretched out close to the mailbox and (if held vertically by its tail) would have been at least as tall as the mailbox...if not taller. It looked as if it were easily close to four feet long. Eep!

That was an interesting day in underwriting...

London in review

2008-12-22T16:13:00.001-05:00

While shuffling through my piano bench, I found a long-discarded note to a former boyfriend. It details the first four days of my trip to London in 2003. Obviously, I did not give this note to its intended, which probably means that I re-wrote the letter and found the second attempt more satisfactory. Go figure. At any rate, it contains minor details that I had forgotten...mainly the sequence of our travels. I remembered things being much more spaced out, but apparently, they were not. I will now relate the letter.

(While in my hotel room at Thistle: Charing Cross...seated at a desk, glancing occasionally at the window and listening for the sounds of the new year)

“It’s the fourth day of our trip, and I FINALLY have time to write. I will save the details of the horrible plane trip until I get home. I’m positive it will still be very vivid. Stop reading here for details...”

(Details: It was my first time flying, and I was a little more than nervous. We flew from Atlanta to Chicago and then boarded a United Airlines 777 bound for London. Thirty minutes into the flight, dinner was being prepared, and I began to think that perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all. Above Lake Michigan, the map that showed us the plane’s location suddenly switched off. Stewards began bustling around with a nervous air. Was dinner burning? From his seat at the end of the aisle, Dad could see attendants crawling on the floor. They were feeling for hot spots. We heard a stewardess phone the captain and tell him to make an announcement...the passengers knew that something was wrong. Apparently, the cabin in first class was filling with smoke from an unknown source. We were going to fly back to Chicago and make an emergency landing. I was terrified...especially when the plane began dumping fuel for the landing. I remember an Indian woman on my left...Dad on my right...and Mom across the aisle. My closest friends were scattered intermittently through the plane. Kristin’s face was nervous. Cassandra was overly optimistic. I remember putting my head on Dad’s shoulder and crying. A steward stopped to ask if I was okay, and I mentally screamed, “NO, I’M NOT OKAY! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!” Instead of heading back to Chicago, we made an emergency landing in Grand Rapids Michigan. The small airport was not equipped to handle such a large aircraft, and our plane cracked the runway when it landed. I will never forget the sudden lurch of the plane as it ground to a halt. It was amazing that something so large could stop so quickly. I realize now that we were fortunate it did...and have always been thankful that we had a good pilot. The stairs we used to de-board the plane were covered in ice. The airport did not have accommodations for so many people and ran out of food. We lounged in chairs and waited for our new plane to arrive. My friend’s Dad was a helicopter pilot in the army and had been tracking our plane’s progress. When the craft dropped off the radar, he was sure we had gone down. At 2:00 am, another 777 arrived to take us back to Chicago’s O’Hare. We spent the night in a dingy hotel, but I never even thought to look at the sheets. No clothes. No toothbrush. I was just glad to have my feet on solid ground. Our next attempt for London would leave the following day.)

“The second attempt was a very smooth flight. It was as if someone somewhere went out of their way to make things as comfortable as possible for the frazzled passengers. I couldn’t sleep on the plane. We arrived at 6:30 am London time...zombified, but alive. A full twenty-four hours after the arrival of our peers. Most of us were running on four hours of sleep within fifty-eight hours. Doesn’t that trigger hallucinations? When standing still, I felt like I was moving. “
(Note: I remember very little about our first day in London, and my letter does not provide details. I know that we boarded a large, smelly bus. I was annoyed that Ben ignored our arrival and further annoyed by the fact that Jeff stood grinning at us in the lobby. We later discovered that our classmates had not been fully informed of our ordeal. The rest is a blur until we attended a concert that night. I vividly remember my view of the stage and the inability to keep my eyes open. Mercifully, our little band of travelers was allowed to retire early. Nothing else exists in my mind before falling into bed and experiencing the deepest sleep of my life.)

...”We finally got into bed and woke up to the fire alarm! Stop here for more details.”

(Details: A drunk woman on the third floor pulled the fire alarm in the wee hours of the morning. We woke to the annoying sound, but dismissed it and fell back into undisturbed slumber. We were finally jarred awake by Mrs. Hayes banging on the door. Cold and weary, we gazed up at our hotel from the street. I remember hearing stories of the homeless man who got bumped around in the fray. He didn’t appreciate being disturbed by the Yanks who had invaded his area. We were eventually allowed back into the building and fell back asleep. When someone prank called our phone an hour later, Jessica thought that it was our wake-up call. She stumbled to bathroom and took a shower before realizing her mistake.)

“Yesterday (Monday), we visited Hampton Court - the old royal palace. It was beautiful I took lots of pictures. Today (Tuesday), we went to Westminster Abbey, saw the changing of the royal horse guards, ate at the original Hard Rock Café, and walked across Abbey Road. We also took the tube, which is London’s subway...and visited Madame Tussaud’s wax museum. I had my picture taken with several wax figures, including Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, and The Beatles. It’s New Year’s Eve. We stayed at the party in the hotel lobby until 10:00, and it is now 11:45. I can hear people down in the street, but of course we’re not allowed to go out. I hope that you have a good holiday. I tried calling you, but I couldn’t get through. I’ll either try again or email you tomorrow from the internet café. We have to march in the parade tomorrow morning, so I’m retiring soon. Goodnight.”

The parade was cold and wet, but much shorter than our trek through New Orleans the previous year. I might look back through my old ticket stubs and itineraries and try to remember how the rest of our trip played out.

New Beginnings

2008-12-05T10:15:00.001-05:00

Big news

Give Thanks

2008-11-25T14:57:00.001-05:00

I found an article on MSN that highlighted Thanksgiving at Grandma’s throughout the ages.

In 1958, Elvis was in the army, Americans were learning to fall asleep in front of the television, and hula hoops were the new craze. American Express cards were new, and you could put your hotel cost ($9.91) and gasoline ($3 for ten gallons) on that fancy piece of plastic. Turkey dinner for 10 would have been around $6.72, and the total cost for the holiday would be $19.63. In 2008 dollars, that’s equivalent to $146.71.

1968 was a time of national upheaval. Riots, war talk, and assassinations peppered the year, and many Americans “approached Thanksgiving in the hopes that the worst was behind them.” Dinner for ten had jumped $1 in the past decade. Gas was up 40 cents, and hotel costs had increased by almost $6! The total cost would have been around $26.80, which is equal to $166.34 dollars in 2008.

In 1978, disco has effectively taken over the world. “Grease” is the word, and “The Love Boat” is a distraction from increasing negativity. Unemployment is sky high, inflation is in the double digits, and President Carter’s Airline Deregulation Act left many disgruntled travelers found themselves facing “massive consolidation, free-market pricing, and the prospect of paying $7 for a pillow.” Turkey dinner for ten is now $15.50. Ten gallons of gas costs $6.70, and hotel rooms are $34.90. The total holiday cost is $56.89 ($188.47 in 2008).

Things weren’t too shabby in 1988. Prozac hit the market, and radio waves were blaring, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Turkey dinner is $26.61. Ten gallons of gas is $9.50. Hotels are $54.32, and the grand holiday total is $90.43. The cost in 2008 dollars would be $165.11.

1998 sees the rise of “Goth Culture.” MP3 players allow travelers to tune out fellow passengers, and in a hint of things to come, Google is founded. Turkey dinner is $33.09. Ten gallons of gas is $10.60. Hotels are $78.62. Total cost is $122.31, or $161.99 current US dollars.

In 2008, gas prices have surprisingly fallen from above $4 per gallon to less than $2 per gallon. Recession seems imminent, and there is a great deal of speculation that holiday spending will be extremely low this year. Many families are opting to stay closer to home. For those still traveling to Grandma’s house, turkey dinner is $44.61. Ten gallons of gas is $22.24. Hotel rooms are $106.93, and the total holiday cost is $174.20.

After an early Thanksgiving at my grandparents, I listened to my grandfather talk about price in relation to earnings. When he was a kid, movie tickets were five cents...but five cents is a steep sum when mowing lawns only earns you twenty-five cents. When my great-grandparents purchased a refrigerator in 1937, they didn’t know how in the world they were going to scrape up $5 a month. Papa went on to say that the time he felt he got the most for his money was during the 60s. He was making $4 an hour, and that $4 seemed to stretch farther than at any other time in his memory. It’s interesting to note that post-feast Americans were falling asleep in front of the television as early as 1958. On Wednesday night, our family will pack up and trek 282 miles to Grandma’s house. I don’t know what turkey dinner will cost, and I will purposely ignore the money spent on gasoline. The most important aspect of Thanksgiving is togetherness. The ability to come together as a family and share traditions that have been passed down for generations.

I have so much to be thankful for, but I have been too caught up to notice. I have family who loves and supports me unconditionally. I have beautiful children who give the best hugs and kisses in the world. I’m married to my best friend. I have friends who drop in at odd hours in an attempt to save my sanity. I live in a country of freedom. I have a roof over my head, food in my pantry, and a job that pays the bills. But beyond the obvious, I’m thankful for the ability to feel...to see... There are so many things that are taken for granted. I can hold a cup of coffee in hands that haven’t forgotten how to grip. I can stand on my own two feet without assistance. Even when I am sad or angry, I’m thankful for the ability to feel emotion.

I hope that everyone has a safe, happy, and enormously blessed Thanksgiving.

Little Darlings

2008-11-08T15:54:00.001-05:00

This is how you smile.

Love.

Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum.

Playing together instead of working against each other. A pleasant sight for the
parents.

On her throne.

Good looking guy.

Vroom!

Baby sleeps.

Halloween pictures

2008-11-03T09:49:00.000-05:00

Whenever Emily walked, her tail swished back and forth.

Okkkaaaay, Mom...

David was trying to pose for me, but he was too worried about Emily trying to steal his gloves. His mouth is posed in "No, baby sister!" mode.

"Okay. She's gone. NOW I'll show you my gloves."

Looks like little Johnathan...

Hiding in the closet. Running from Mommy's camera is a game.

Daddy tickles

Daddy hugs

Watching TV

Costume adjustments.

I love that my grandmother was able to stand and fix treat bags for the kids. It's a moment I never expected to see... She has improved more in the past six months than I ever believed possible.

"Mommy, look what I got!"

Run!

Halloween GUA style

2008-10-30T13:18:00.002-04:00

Dressed up for the GUA Halloween costume contest. I tied for second place.

Vampire and tavern wench.

My supervisor (dough boy) and her daughter (NCIS chick).

Carol, our switchboard operator.

The contest winner.

Kim. Please note - she is NOT fat in real life.

My Mom - the crazy spider lady.

Spider cupcakes that I baked for the event.

Contest participants.

Some old pictures that have not been posted yet.

Buford Dam picnic - down at the river

Goose wading in the Chattahoochee

Picnicking

David standing in a fire truck at "Play at the Park."

The therapy of plane watching

2008-10-29T09:22:00.001-04:00

It is surprising how much difference thirty minutes makes. It’s the difference between clogged interstates and a hassle free ride. It’s the difference between darkened windows and the warm glow of home lights. On my early weeks, I have to leave the house at 6:30 am, and the world is mostly dark and still. Traffic gradually increases as time passes and as I work my way farther into Gwinnett county. By the time I reach Peachtree Industrial around 7:00, darkness scatters in the presence of countless racing lights. While sitting at this chaotic intersection on Monday, I glanced into the vast sky and spotted the steady blink of four airplanes. I wondered how many more I could see if all of the light pollution were removed for a few seconds. I used to watch the planes while staring out across Mary Alice Park and have counted as many as eight at once. Eight planes in that one, small space of sky. Watching the criss-cross of paths is therapeutic. I feel instant calm and a contented sense of insignificance.

It's punkin time!

2008-10-23T20:50:00.001-04:00

So. Last night, I carved a punkin!

Bat courtesy of Meghan.

Cat, moon, and star courtesy of myself.

The Atlanta Zoo

2008-10-20T13:15:00.000-04:00

Family fun at the Atlanta Zoo!

Napping en route. It's the best picture I got of David over the course of the day. After this point, he wasn't still long enough for a decent shot.

I said, "Hey kids, go stand by the sign and let Mommy take your picture!" ...and this is what they did... :-)

Look! Elephants!

Johnathan watching the elephants.

Taking a break.

Beautiful birds in the "tree house."

Playground at the zoo.

Itchy nose.

Family photo.

Hungry panda. I followed this fellow with my camera for ages. When he finally plopped down and faced the crowd, I snapped this shot.

Kangaroo.

Petting zoo.

Fascinated by the hand dryer.

Emily's first ride on a carousel. David preferred to sit on a seat with Daddy, and Emily preferred to ride high. She grinned the whole time.

If you ask David what he did at the zoo, he'll tell you that he rode a train. This was definitely the only part of the day that mattered in his opinion.

On the train.

If Only...

2008-10-15T15:02:00.002-04:00

The mornings are so dark whenever my alarm goes off. The sunrise used to stare me in the face when I walked out my door, but I am now halfway to work before its beams creep over the horizon. As a result, I seem to be sleeping harder (and sometimes through) my morning wake up call. The past two days have been a sleepy fog, and I am counting down the hours until I can crash into my comfortable bed.

It’s a wonderful fall day. Sharp colors and warm sunshine are beckoning through an open doorway, and I wish that I could skip through unnoticed. College students will be sprawling on the lush green lawns of their respective campuses. Individuals with time to kill might sit placidly on the banks of a river or lounge under a shade tree. Personally, I would love to kick back in a porch swing and settle into a good book.

Pictars

2008-10-14T21:27:00.004-04:00

Like this!

Nap time with Grandma

Nap time with Aunt Meghan

Puzzles with Aunt Meghan

Double rainbow at the end of a day.

The road that will take me home.

I am le tired...

Let's go to the fair!

Watching the steam engine at the saw mill.

I know it's in there somewhere!

Article

2008-10-08T17:33:00.003-04:00

I spotted an article pertaining to Nepal's newest diety while surfing MSN this morning. It was so very different from anything we observe in our own nation, and I was intrigued...if not a bit appalled. After digging a bit deeper into this tradition, I decided to write my own summarization.

-------------

Nepal’s new Maoist government has allowed the continuation of an ancient Hindu-Buddhist tradition. A three-year-old girl from the goldsmith caste has become Nepal’s newest living goddess. This “kumari” is viewed as a source of supreme power and is selected through astrological consultation and a series of religious ceremonies. She must meet thirty-two attributes of perfection, including black eyes, clear skin, black hair, forty teeth, and a crystal voice. Once passing the first screening process, girls are subjected to further rituals, which include being encircled by freshly severed goat heads. The true goddess will remain calm through terrifying situations.

Once a girl is chosen, the Taleju spirit enters her body and she assumes the title of Kumari Devi. From there, she will leave her family and live in virtual isolation in a Kathmandu palace. A kumari’s feet will never touch the ground unless a red carpet is placed beneath her, and she will only leave the palace a few times out of the year. Her most important outing is the festival of thanks to the rain god. In Nepal’s prior government, this festival would have included a blessing for the king.

The term as goddess ends at the onset of puberty. From that point, the girl resumes human form and is returned to her family. She is expected to resume a “normal” life, but what is normalcy after life as a goddess? This question is a cause of concern for many child rights activists around the world. The former kumari will receive a small governmental allowance as a “thank you” for her protection and will probably be shunned as a bride. Afer all, superstition states that the husband of a former kumari is destined to die young.

In recent years, Nepal’s Supreme Court has stepped in to provide a bit of modernization. Kumaris are now educated, though instruction must take place within the palace walls. Girls are also allowed exposure to entertainment and news programs and can receive visits from family members at any time.

-----------------

I place my faith in one supreme God and do not put stock in Hindu gods and goddesses, which certainly complicates my ability to understand this ancient tradition.

I genuinely feel for the girls who are chosen for this position. Many of them begin their term before they are old enough to understand the circumstances that brought them to this point. Most will grow up without fully knowing family members and will probably retain that detatchment for the rest of their lives. It seems incredibly unfair to banish a girl from the only life she has known due to a circumstance beyond her control.

Fall

2008-09-25T08:27:00.002-04:00

This morning is fall in every sense of the word. With lows in the forties, I cranked up my heater for the first time since winter. The tops of the trees are golden with sunshine, and mountains of fog are climbing steadily to the sky. Pumpkins lined in rows stand out against the wet grass, and there is a refreshing crispness in the air.

I love this time of year and could love it even more in the absence of pollen. Allergies kept me home from work on Wednesday, and Emily is keeping me home today. She had a fever all day yesterday and all throughout the night. She insisted on sleeping against me, and it's impossible to sleep with a 103 degree heater pressed to your side. When she wasn't sleeping restlessly, she was screaming. In the end, I decided that four to five hours of sleep is not conducive to a long work day...especially when I'm snotty myself. My planned days for October will simply be transferred to late September. Emily's fever is gone, and she is now resting peacefully. I think that I will crawl back into the warm bed and try for a bit of rest myself.

It's so nice to curl up with a blanket on a chilly morning...especially on a morning as perfect as this one.

Immigrant song

2008-09-18T17:41:00.002-04:00

When I don't know what to write, I sometimes turn to current news stories for inspiration. The latest headline to catch my attention deals with illegal immigrants in the aftermath of Hurricane Ike.

Undocumented workers are largely responsible for helping clean debris and repair damage in the wake of storms like Ike and Katrina. Controversy comes into play when they are used and paid accordingly for labor, but unable to receive assistance themselves. Most of them are afraid to request assistance for fear of being arrested and deported, yet many illegal immigrants from Galveston to Houston are facing the same hardships as U.S. citizens.

Are illegal immigrants a needed labor source, or a drain on the American system?

Supporters feel that illegal workers need more support during troubled times. Those in opposition feel that immigrants shouldn't be here in the first place and certainly don't deserve federal aid. Clean up jobs should be given to unemployed Americans first.

I agree most with the side of opposition, but feel that the issue is too broad to think that one mandate applies for all.

Most illegal immigration occurs when individuals cross the borders without authorization. Others overstay their visas. I can understand the economic incentive to work in America. In fact, I feel that America has a large hand in encouraging the entry of illegal immigrants. We thrive off of cheap labor and dangle dineros in front of poverty stricken people.

Having acknowledged this, I feel that an individual should do everything in his or her power to secure an immigration visa or citizenship. If they do not meet eligibility requirements, I feel that they should keep trying even while staying here illegally. During this time, I do not feel that individuals should receive government services unless they are paying taxes. I am wholly against individuals (legal or illegal) leeching off of taxpayer dollars. If an individual does not meet requirements and is dead weight on the American government, they should be prepared to face deportation. If an individual meets certain requirements and pays taxes, however, I don't mind letting them stay. Studies show that most illegal immigrants will only stay for a period of time before returning to their country of origin, anyway.

I think that the issue is much deeper and much more complicated than the two sides presented in today’s article.

Welcome, September

2008-09-15T11:49:00.001-04:00

It's fall. Time for pumpkins, apples, cider, and our annual trip to the pumpkin farm!

Punkins.

Emily was sleepy. Granperes make good pillows.

David trying to decide his next course of direction.

Pausing for 0.5 seconds.

Lounging with her drink.

Driving the tractor. And not looking too happy about it...

Another...er...successful family photo.

Hay ride! Standing in the corner with Natalie.

Playing with hay

Watching and waiting.

Life is a dream we are dreaming

2008-09-10T17:52:00.000-04:00

In many ways, I feel as though an invisible weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It’s like climbing to the surface after being trapped underground. The air is cleaner than I remember, and the sunlight seems brighter. I want to roll down the windows and play my favorite music as I drive into the pastel remnants of a sunset. Life is so beautifully worth living when you’re no longer afraid to live.

Dreams

2008-08-19T14:15:00.000-04:00

I dreamed that I was working in some kind of facility that closely resembled a school. I don’t know what kind of work I was doing, but it seemed like teaching...or perhaps even administration... At any rate, I spent a great deal of time walking the halls of a place that looked vaguely like my middle school. The one thing I know is that I was completely alone. I was surrounded by co-workers, but there were no kindred spirits among them. My closest friends were scattered at various points around the globe, and I have no earthly idea what had become of my family. I remember an altercation with three young Hispanic girls who utterly despised me and refused to obey rules. I could feel their hatred. I felt as though I were a stranger in a formerly familiar land. The next thing I remember is walking home across rocky, dry terrain. My surroundings looked like the vibrant deserts and canyons of the west, but yet I was still in Georgia. I danced along the worn dirt path, trying to avoid the rattlesnakes and cacti. A man in an old beat up Ford slowed and drove along beside me. Whenever I grew tired, he called to me encouragingly. I’m not sure why, but in order to make it home, I had to keep dancing. I was dancing wildly to the calls of the man in the baby blue truck. He had a gruff voice and manner and a large, powerful frame. He seemed like someone accustomed to hard labor and alternately reminded of chain gangs and oil rigs. When I arrived home, I expected the man to go on his way, but he lingered in the driveway. I ran for the shelter of Johnathan’s grandparent’s house, which turned out to be my grandparent’s house instead. When I entered, I was greeted by the scent of my old home on Timber Lake Drive. Dashing into the utility room, I watched and waited as the door was rattled by thunderous blows.I woke up in my own little house with fresh air and cricket songs filtering through open windows. I heard one of the kids roll over with a sigh and blinked sleepily. I was so tired, and the arms of sleep were still outstretched, but yet I continued to stare into the darkness. There are aspects of dreams that remain vivid long after the dream has passed. There are faces of unknown people that seem as if they will forever be etched in memory. Sometimes I half expect to see them in a crowd.

Weekend update

2008-08-16T10:34:00.001-04:00

The day has begun with a mix of gold and still-sleepy shadows. There are still a few crickets in the cool grass, and the world is rubbing its eyes perplexedly. Where did all of these people come from? Vehicles are zooming toward weekend destinations, and I am in disbelief over the number of trucks and SUVs that race by. For every car that passes, five full-size trucks follow. Geese are flying overhead, and I can't help thinking that they have a far superior mode of transport. It's mid-August, but fall has been in the air for more than a week. Even the birds can feel it. The dog days of summer are breaking rules left and right, and I have no complaints.

David's first week of school was quite successful. On the first day, he pointed at his teacher and told her “No” in an authoritative manner. I sighed and began to worry. Despite repeated speeches and various reprimands concerning the appropriate way to speak to adults, David persisted with rude comments and official tones. In fact, it seemed as though he were becoming worse. I had horrible visions of my son being labeled a behavioral problem before entering kindergarten. On the second day, however, his attitude had dissipated. The next three days presented a noticeably changed David. He cheerfully met me at the door and began recounting the events of the day. David informed me that the other children were mad because he cried at nap time, and I couldn't help laughing at this admission. He proudly showed me a scraped knee and told us the names of his teachers. He is already speaking in more complete phrases and has been much more cooperative in general. In ways, it is frustrating to feel that our efforts at home were not enough. It was apparent that David was missing something in his little life, and it appeared to be something that we weren't giving him. In all honesty, I think that he had become too big for his world. He is a very bright kid and has already mastered reading and writing. No doubt, he was bored out of his mind in his everyday environment. He was simply ready to move on and ready for the companionship that baby sisters can't provide. I'm not foolish enough to think that all problems stop here. We will certainly continue to have bad days...angry days, but things have been undeniably better. It's a change that can be sensed as well as seen, and I feel as though someone has opened a closed door. I still work the same number of hours and come home to the same household, but something has changed...if only for a time. I have been very proud of my boy. He's a good kid.

Emily has learned that kisses are like rewards. She seems to think that her kisses are golden and bestows them whenever someone does her bidding. She'll kiss my leg or cheek and nod gravely as if to say, “Good job, Mommy. You finally got it right.” She's headstrong and frustrating by spells, but ridiculously sweet in between times. Her new words are “no”, “nose”, and “ow”, and I'm pretty sure she's trying to say “more.” She's already saying, “Ma, Da, duck, dog, ball, bowl, and uh-oh” and frequently attempts “David, brother, and cup.” She gets very excited over small things and laughs a great deal.

David and I are drawing clowns together as I type this. It's shaping up to be such a nice day that I think we'll spend some time on the playground.

Pre-K

2008-08-12T16:27:00.001-04:00

David's First Day of Pre-K!

"David, can you smile for me?" The above was David's facial response. He seemed to feel that this school excitement business was just a bit over the top.

The nature edition

2008-08-10T10:01:00.001-04:00

Since we finally have a house with a yard, we decided to begin a compost heap at the edge of the trees. We knew that something had been eating our scraps and weren't entirely sure we wanted to continue feeding whatever animal was making a meal out of our leftovers. I didn't like the idea of inviting a mangy dog into the yard where my children play. My fears were squashed, however, when I woke up early one morning to find four gigantic crows huddled around the heap. They were picking at the food with great enthusiasm, and I was impressed by their enormous size. They certainly appeared much larger than your garden variety crow, and I began to quote Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" in my head.

"Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'"

After a little bit of investigation, I found that while crows are more common, ravens can also be found in Georgia and are about one-third larger. I watched as they flew away with their ebony feathers almost blue in the morning sunlight. I have seen nothing more than blackbirds and crows since that moment, but I'm keeping my eyes open in hopes that the ravens will return.

The kids and I went for a Thursday night ride after a quick trip to Publix for baking powder. Emily has been strongly resisting sleep lately, and David continues to strongly resist meal times. As a result, my house has been a nightly den of screams and protests. It begins with David's "I don't want supper" at 6:45 and stretches through until Emily finally gives up her struggle somewhere around 11:30. As a result, Johnathan and I have been extremely irritable, and by Thursday night, I was nearing meltdown proportions. When the kids were quiet and content in the car, I found that I simply couldn't return home to madness. I rode away from our house and through Silver City, enjoying the cool night air and savoring the sound of silence. As I cut onto the go-nowhere road behind my aunt's house, two pairs of glowing eyes bobbed out in front of my car. I slowed to a crawl and stared at the two young raccoons that appeared in the flood of my headlights. When I stopped, they stopped. They stood up on their little legs and stared into the blinding brightness. I'm pretty sure they were too blinded to make out anything, but they cocked their cute heads and pawed at the air in a vain attempt. When I crept forward again, they hesitantly scampered back into the grass at the side of the road. Raccoons are notoriously curious, and it was amazing to see that inquisitive personality shining through at such a moment.

The family had an exciting adventure at Poole's Mill last weekend, and I was the only member who didn't slip on the slick rocks. Johnathan and David had wet backsides, and poor Emily wiped out entirely in a moment of over-confidence.

We spend so much time pushing nature out of our way, but there are moments where it stretches out a friendly hand and invites us back into the fold.

The city I live in...the city of angels

2008-07-30T17:48:00.000-04:00

The weekend disappeared quicker than I could have imagined. I feel as though I’m stuck in a bit of a time warp. It seems like an eternity has passed since I was in Augusta preparing for Jessica’s wedding, but in reality it was only slightly more than a week ago. The beginning of the weekend seems as though it must have been yesterday, but it was actually four days ago. There isn’t much difference between ten days and four days, but one feels years behind me and the other feels mere seconds behind me. I suppose the amount of activity between moments influences our perception of time passing, but yet my situation has the opposite effect that one would expect.

I’m trying to remember significant things that have occurred over the past week and a half. The first thing to note would be Jessica and Will’s wedding. I remember Jessica and I not-so-secretly dreaming that we would end up with our respective partners during our Hart House days. Four years later, it’s nice to see that we both ended up exactly where we intended to be. ...at least in the husband department. There have been some other changes along the way, but they seem relatively insignificant when one considers the over all happiness. I don’t remember anything particularly exciting during the following work week, but days are always dotted with tiny trials and little laughs from various corners of my universe. One humorous moment was when Johnathan emerged from the grocery store carrying mustard and David pipes up with, “Daddy has the check up ” Get it? Ketchup...check up? Only it was mustard... Emily has figured out that she has holes in her nose and will delightedly try to explore yours if you keep her from exploring her own.

My great uncle passed away this weekend, and I found my great aunt significantly altered. She was always a plump little chatterbox with a memorable chuckle and merry eyes. She has now lost a great deal of weight, and her eyes lack their old sparkle. In more positive news, my grandmother has spent more time out of bed this week than she has in a while. Baby steps.

My best friend is officially living in Los Angeles. It’s a strange thought. My mental picture of Los Angeles is an urban wilderness with lots of lights and over-priced boutiques. I suppose that with so many people flocking to the city of angels, there must be more appeal than I give it credit for.

Recent photos

2008-07-28T09:54:00.001-04:00

These are some recent photos from the past month or so.

Emily and Kyle have fun playing together by pulling everything (yes, everything) out of the toy closet. Kyle is my friend Cassandra's son. The two of us have known each other since pre-school, so it was nice to see our kids interacting.

Emily drawing things that only Emily understands.

An interesting new track for Thomas.

Fashion queen

Fourth of July!

Waiting with Kristin.

Food. Always food. Notice the vivid orange ear plugs.

David prefers a more traditional method of muffling the sound.

Over-edited photo of a little boy and his little steam engine and the parade.

Guyton visit

Brother/sister moment.

Sister likes trains, too.

Jessica's weddingness

Jessica and her Mom hosted a luncheon in honor of Jessica's attendants. It was quite beautifully decorated. I'm a bit jealous of her Mom's knack for decor.

Meet Lola. L-O-L-A Lola.

Meet the too-adorable-for-words flower girl. The photo was a bit blurred, which is why it's edited.

Maid of honor, matron of honor, bride, and bridesmaids.

Our post-wedding hotel room. I was very impressed by the cleanliness and comfort, so I took a picture. I recommend Hilton Garden Inn.

My husband.

Courtyard where the wedding ceremony took place. It was officiated by a messianic Jew who is a friend of the Lucas family. Some of the differences in the ceremony were quite interesting. I enjoyed it.

Me and my babies who were too interested in everything else...

Corralling children was not conducive to snapping photos of the beautiful bride.

She paused for a quick wave and smile.

Home again

2008-07-24T17:57:00.000-04:00

A massive severe storm swept through Tuesday evening, knocked limbs out of our oak trees, and left pools in our yard. State Barn road had standing water, and we were without power for approximately three hours. Somewhere around 9:00, we gave up on the power returning and left our house in search of light. Half way to downtown Cumming, we started seeing street lights and electric signs. It was indescribably cheering to see that simple sign of civilization. For someone who used to crave solitude, I now find it almost impossible to exist in a world that does not contain signs of humanity. We ate a very late dinner at Dairy Queen and found power restored when we arrived back home. It was quite an adventure.

It's Thursday. Tuesday seems like a life-time ago. Today alone seems to have been two days rolled into one. I'm glad that tomorrow's Friday, but agonized by the thought that an entire day stands between me and the weekend. I'm trying to convince Johnathan that we need to go to Helen at some point this weekend.

Hastle

2008-07-03T14:55:00.002-04:00

When certain people exit this world, you feel as though a little bit of goodness and light has departed with them. Another one of our close friends in Suches passed away about a month ago, and I am finally pausing to reflect on his passing. He was the older brother of our friend who passed earlier in the year and possessed the same kindness and strength of character. When Dad was serving as pastor at the hill church, we would often go home with the Parkers for Sunday dinner. They lived in a small frame house in a comfortable nook between two hills. An old red barn sat diagonal to the house and cows dotted the land beyond. Florine could work as hard as any man, and Hastle plowed along with as much intensity as someone half his age. Their kitchen was small, but friendly, and the chicken and dumplings were simply beyond comparison. Florine's sweet tea was so thick that it almost had texture, and Hastle would drink fresh milk that came from one of their own cows. After dinner, the stories would begin. More often than not, Hastle would be telling life stories to Dad while Florine conversed with Mom about something completely different. Sitting in between the two, I could never decide who to direct my attention to. As a result, my ears were often tuned into both at one time.

Hastle was tall and lanky with a warm smile and soft-spoken manner. Age had been kind to him, and he looked well short of his 85 years. Until his first battle with cancer a few years ago, his last experience with doctors had been during his service in WWII. Hastle was incredibly friendly and treated me as an equal. I always felt that he regarded me as a friend in the same way he regarded my parents as friends. For a thirteen-year-old, that is monumental. Florine and I have exchanged a few letters over the past couple years, and she always begins them with the words, "Dear friend." I can't explain how much that means to me. I admire the longevity of their marriage and the hardships they endured together. I admire the faith that guided them through everything. Florine refuses to leave the farm, and I think of the family often.

Steady and warm-hearted, the world could stand more people like John H. Parker. He was buried with military honors. Driving back down the mountain after his death, I felt that a little bit of light had exited. A portion of the life that was...a way of caring for people had moved on into the next realm. Heaven must have been glad when he entered those gates.

Heavy stuff

2008-06-27T16:26:00.000-04:00

I have almost completed my first four-day work week. The hours are long, but I think that I will like it if things ever pick up. Tuesday seemed to fly by, and I had a steady stream of work. Wednesday started slowing, and Thursday has been abominably sluggish. I’m looking forward to the weekend, but as always, the forecast calls for rain. I beginning to wonder if we’ll ever have a clear weekend to take David to Thomas Town. We desperately need a few soakers, however, so I will content myself with some indoor organizing and a good book if showers prevail.

My writings are generally restricted to the common knowledge aspects of my family and personal life, but I feel like sharing some deeper struggles.

Last weekend, Johnathan came to bed around 1:00 am and woke me from sound sleep. I had been crampy and exhausted all day, so he asked if I was feeling okay. I absently answered “yes”, but then began to overanalyze the situation. Surely something must be wrong for him to have been asking me that question. I have been known to do odd things when sleep is interrupted, so it’s not very surprising that my brain took this turn. I began to feel very strange and quickly got up for a drink of water. I felt sick and dizzy. Panic hit like a wave, and I spent the next twenty minutes shaking uncontrollably. My heart was pounding, and I felt like I couldn’t take a deep breath. Johnathan put his arms around me, and I asked him to please talk about something to distract me. My “episode” finally edged away, and I eventually drifted into a further-undisturbed sleep. It was quite possibly the worst experience I have ever had. I think that the trigger was wacky hormones. I’m just getting back on cycle after two years of absence (due to pregnancy and breast-feeding). It can’t be an easy adjustment for my body. Moving too quickly made me dizzy and my frazzled nerves did the rest. I’m recognizing triggers like caffeine and sugar, but ultimately, I have to admit that I’m struggling with anxiety issues.

I have been much less anxious this week. When I admit that I have no control over the world around me, I feel an ironic calm settle in. God controls my life from second to second, and I am incapable of drawing my next breath without Him allowing it to happen. If I can acknowledge this, why do I persist in thinking that irrational fear can accomplish anything? I am generally happy and often pleased by the simplest aspects of our world. This seems in direct contrast with the woman who gets a cold and vaguely wonders if it’s the beginning of a life=threatening illness. As a therapist, I know how to help others overcome barriers, so why is it so difficult to apply the same knowledge to myself?

A close family friend suggested that perhaps I have tried to keep too many emotions bottled up. I think this is a large part of my problem. I never addressed hurt and anger, but tried to bury them in an attempt to shield those around me. Sure, I’ve had outbursts. I’ve talked on and off to individuals about what I feel, but ultimately hate “burdening others.” As a result, I’m still carrying a lot of crap around that boils over at inopportune moments. I’m not ashamed to admit this because it’s a step in the right direction. I’m here. I’m acknowledging that I need to get things straight, and I’m putting it out there in order to keep me accountable. Part of it is probably genetic predisposition. I have been skittish and easily freaked out for as long as I can remember. Part of it is declining diet and lack of sleep. I stopped being as strict about food when I got married. As a result, I take in too much sugar, caffeine, and carbs and not nearly enough fruits, whole grains, vegetables, and water. Sleep might play the biggest role of all. I drift to sleep well after I should and often wake several times during the night. I’m always tired. Exhaustion and bad food makes me dizzy. Hormones make me a mess. Feeling dizzy and messy makes me panic. Panicking leads to an attack, which continues to feed the fire.

It seems so absurd to see all of this in type, but as illogical as it seems, it is something that I deal with. Anxiety is a roller coaster for me, and I will often go for long stretches without dealing with bouts. It has increased since marriage, babies, debt, and my parent’s divorce. It has increased since a lapse in my spiritual walk. I’m beginning by getting the last aspect back on track. I will devote time to prayer and study. I also hope to become more organized and educate myself about finances. I have to learn to accept things for what they are and make the best of every situation.

My problems are minor compared to starving children or individuals living in war-torn cities. I have been blessed beyond measure and have no excuse for continuing to allow this to have its way in my life. I’m stronger than that. I’m capable and creative. I’m feeling insanely better simply by getting this out in the open. I’m not going to worry about what people might think when they read this. I’m not attention-seeking or overly dramatic. If you don’t understand what it’s like to be here, consider yourself fortunate and enjoy your life. If you do understand, know that you’re not alone.

The idea that life’s purpose centers around God has been a recurring theme lately. We are designed by God and for His purposes. Our happiness is through Him, and trying to discover purpose and fulfillment through ourselves is pointless. I am currently pondering the thought that God intended for me to be just as I am. He has a purpose for my good points, bad points, strengths, and weaknesses. How reassuring.

Pictures

2008-06-13T16:54:00.001-04:00

These are my latest favorites.

Savannah

Moo.

Sunset on Lanier

Holding hands

Drawing

Artists in the making

Pictures from Erin’s wedding and pre-wedding

Jessi-poo and Em

When it comes to hugs or food, Emily would rather have the food...

Crew

Father and daughter

Bride and groom

Kiss kiss

Crew...again

...and again

Kids

Swing swing

Sleep sleep

Baby’s corner

Learning

What?

Playing

Working

Pictures from the McGowan’s 60th anniversary

Kisses

Great-Grandpa

Little family

Bigger family

Thanks to Johnathan...

Days go by

2008-06-06T11:04:00.001-04:00

Last weekend was a weekend to be remembered.

I opened my eyes on Saturday morning as a squirmy three-year-old wallowed into bed and asked, “Hey, are you ready for breakfast?” I wasn’t ready for breakfast, and I certainly wasn’t ready to climb out of bed, but children have no regard for weekend slumber. While David munched on cereal, I checked my email for the first time in a week and mentally jotted a to-do list for the day.

Johnathan began cutting grass around noon, so the kids and I piled into the car for a trip to the bank. Forty-five minutes and one Chick-fil-A meal later, we milled around the store, waiting for my oil change to be completed. Loaded down with garden supplies and a few food items, we continued our wait in the automotive section. While paying my bill, I was informed that my tires are thin and that my transmission is leaking. Joy. I shrugged off the abhorrent thought of more money out of pocket and prepared for an evening out with Hannah. Slightly overdressed, we made our way to the theater for a crowded showing of Sex and the City. Having seen limited unedited episodes, there were a few shocking moments, but equally as many enjoyable ones. We then had dinner outdoors under happily twinkling lights and savored the approach of summertime. We returned home with Starbucks, and I insisted that Johnathan introduce Hannah to Mitch Hedberg before she left for the evening. Shortly after, I curled under the covers and slept contentedly until morning.

Sunday dawned gray and stormy, and the kids and I sloshed our way to church sans umbrella. I always know where the umbrellas are unless it happens to be raining outside. Oh, irony. David thoroughly enjoyed his first experience in a kids church setting and came home reading Ephesians 4:32. Since then, the verse has become a little reminder whenever David and I start squabbling. After a pancake lunch, David left for an overnight stay with Art and Suzanne. I began preparing the house for quests while Emily followed me around like a happy little shadow. Around seven, the crew of friends popped in for an evening of fondue and board games. It was wonderful to relax and have fun. For the first time in ages, I felt young and colorful. It’s a strange statement for a twenty-three-year-old to make, but if you’ve been there, you understand. We enjoyed the time together and laughed as of old, but as I glanced around the circle, I noted changed faces. Life has become so much more serious. Eyes are wiser and smiles are tempered with experience. Still, there is a sense of anticipation and excitement. Erin will be married in a small ceremony this weekend and will begin teaching high school biology this fall. Kristin will continue to brave the tempestuous seas of middle school education. Jessica will shake the dust off of her feet and relocate to Los Angeles for the next year. I can’t imagine my girl being so very far away, and I already miss her keenly. Cassandra and I continue to ride the ups and downs of parenthood, and Katy is still on Friendly Avenue in Kalamazoo. Sounds a bit like Dr. Seuess. We are slowly divided by new families, responsibilities, and explorations, but we always pick up conversation as if we never ended. Our lives will never run parallel like they used to, but as long as they continue to intersect often, I can be quite content. Our friendship has lasted through middle school, high school, college, and the beginning of our professional lives. I love my girls like crazy, and I look forward to many more evenings together in our future. Whew. I teared up on that last bit, which means that I should switch gears to something more uplifting.
The week has come and gone with bursts of sunshine and many happy moments spent in my grandparent’s home. I found myself there several times this week, and I was continually compelled to pull up a chair and chat for a while. Some places never lose their comfort.

I had a biopsy of my cervix yesterday, so now it’s just a waiting game...with a bit of annoying cramping. The doctor saw one small spot and said that the biopsy itself probably got most (if not all) of the abnormal tissue. Best case scenario: it’s a mild abnormality that will need monitoring, but will more than likely disappear on its own. Today’s skies are too clear for me to think about other possible scenarios. I feel very blessed today.

Ode to coffee

2008-04-25T14:55:00.000-04:00

Coffee is comfort. If I really think about it, I’m almost certain that I don’t enjoy the taste of straight up black coffee. When I started drinking it black, I think that it was for lack of resources. I simply didn’t have cream and sugar. Gradually, it became an attempt to prove something to myself. I wanted to believe that I was capable of drinking the strong black liquid that so many others curb with fancy creamers. I succeeded for a while and reveled in the gasps of those around me every time I choked down a cup. By the time I reached the VAMC, I quite preferred black coffee. Then I ran into a wall. Strong stuff. Black as pitch and tasting equally as sinister. It required massive amounts of both cream and sugar to slice through and create a delicious, deceptively sweet imitation. I acquired a new taste for the latter, and I have not been able to break the habit. I now find myself growing tired of the same old flavor which I drink without fail every morning. What am I to do? Should I try to rediscover my former love of plain old joe? Perhaps I should simply switch up my flavored additions. I certainly can’t afford flavorful café creations every morning. Yet what is more certain is the fact that I cannot give it up. Coffee is comfort in any shape, form, or fashion. I would rather have the strongest, darkest cup over none at all. It just seems to make the world a better place.

Are you having a bad day? Let’s meet at your favorite café. Cold? Here’s something that’ll warm you up! Need a heart to heart? Girl, I know something that will go great with that slab of cheesecake... Coffee.

Videos

2008-04-25T11:41:00.001-04:00

Ignore my stupid comments and Johnathan's WoW ramblings in the background. Just focus on the cute kid.

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Many moods...

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Funny girl.

She's as sweet as tupelo honey

2008-04-17T09:32:00.001-04:00

I was dreaming through my alarm again. It’s strange how you can be aware of something without completely comprehending it, although I suppose that applies to many day-to-day experiences. By the time the ding of my clock penetrated my brain, it was 6:55 a.m. I’m supposed to leave at 7:00. Perhaps I should have been panicked, but I wasn’t. I even cheerfully welcomed the opportunity to get David some cereal when he padded into the kitchen. As I gathered my belongings and grabbed some fruit, I heard a second set of little feet. Emily had woken up to voices, sat up wide-eyed, and slid off of the bed to investigate. She looked almost frantic as she reached up for me, and I scooped her up for a quick cuddle. Placing her back on the floor, I walked to the closet for my jacket and accidentally dropped my phone in the process. I reacted with a whispered “shoot” as Emily dove for the coveted piece of technology. From the dining room table, I heard a small voice say, “Mommy, you don’t say shoot...” Smiling to myself, I said, “You’re right, David. I shouldn’t say that...” but I was interrupted by him cutting back in with, “...you say ‘dangit.’” I couldn’t help laughing, although perhaps I shouldn’t have. Johnathan moved from the bed to the living room couch, David continued breakfasting, and Emily accompanied me to the door with a piece of banana in each hand. As I made my way down the driveway, I could still see her fuzzy little head peering intently through the glass. I had a hard time tearing myself away this morning, and I will be glad to be home once again. When I got home yesterday, I noticed that petals were falling from the crab apple tree in a snow-like shower. Glancing up, I realized that bees were jostling the blossoms and stood rooted to the spot when I realized exactly how many of the insects were swarming the tree. Every bee in Forsyth County must have been congregating in my yard, and I called Johnathan out to join me in marveling at the sight. Truthfully, it was a bit unnerving to see so many in one area. When I stepped back out an hour later, they had retired for the night, and it was hard to believe that there had ever been anything but quiet stillness among the branches.

Here and there

2008-04-14T16:26:00.002-04:00

My laptop bit the dust. I had slowly been transferring files to Johnathan during our pre-move preparations, but never got all of my “crap” (as he so lovingly called it) switched over. I tried to reformat last night, but everything is running obnoxiously slow. I don’t have time to care too much because I have very little time to sit in front of the screen, anyway. The only real thing I care about losing is my photos, and I think most of them are backed up online. Most of them.

It’s just another manic Monday. My house is finally liveable. I stayed up past my normal bedtime because I couldn’t stand the chaos a day longer. There are still unpacked boxes shoved into closets, but they can live there until I feel like dealing with them again. My new house is quite cozy. I am very satisfied with my surroundings and in love with the yard. There is a crab apple tree leaning over the driveway, and it is currently covered with fluffy pink blossoms. There are red tips and camellias and a clothes line stretching across the back yard. It is very old-fashioned and reminds me of my Grandma’s yard. David has started building a “tree” in a former mud hole. It looks like a cross between a tee-pee and a voo-doo symbol, but it makes me smile to see it standing sturdily despite wind and rain. He seems to be having a hard time adjusting to the move and “doesn’t want the new house.” It comes in spells, and last night, he seemed more like my cheerful David, happily bringing me books to read after bath time. Emily is busy making the house her domain and somehow manages to get into everything within reach. Little feet patter constantly and barely slow when they reach the old furnace grate in the hallway. I’m not sure when I will be able to update again, or even check my email, but I have not dropped off the face of the earth.

Working hard or hardly working

2008-03-31T19:56:00.001-04:00

The steady hum of my thoughts is punctuated by electric staplers, shuffling papers, vigorous stamping, and the whir of copying machines. I have more time than ever to muse, but despite the fact that I’m constantly clicking on a keyboard, my musings no longer seem to reach my fingers. Work is going well. It’s an office job, and there isn’t much to relate beyond that point. I spend my days processing applications, so it isn’t wildly exciting. I have known most of my co-workers through Mom for many years, which is both comforting and intimidating. People could easily assume that I’m here because of my mother, so I feel the need to establish myself as worthy and capable apart from her. I have settled into a groove, and I feel as though I can be content. I have good pay, stability, and great benefits during economic hardship. I’m discouraged that I was unable to find a steady MT position, but my children are top priority, and stability had to come first. I am very thankful for my current position, and I know that I owe this opportunity to divine intervention. I will take my MT board exam as soon as I am able to fork over two hundred and twenty dollars, and then I will start looking for part-time therapy work. I want to devote bits of time to therapy in local assisted living facilities. I don’t want to lose my music, and I plan on keeping a toe permanently in the therapy pool.

There seems to be a family of geese that camp out on the office doorstep. They come at night and leave behind lovely calling cards. The boss’ daughter is having her baby today, and I smile internally every time I remember that a tiny little boy is making his way into the world. Babies are so much joy. I miss seeing my little ones, and I hate that I only average around four hours with them each day of the week. Emily is running. We have to keep the upstairs doors shut at all times because if she manages to slip through, she runs down the hallway and tears around the corner toward the top of the stairs. She grins jubilantly and laughs as her chubby feet tear across the carpet. She thinks it’s an amusing game, but I do not share her twisted sense of humor. She doesn’t worry about reaching the top stair and would no doubt try to make her way down with utmost confidence. The thought terrifies me. Emily is as determined to climb the stairs as she is to descend them and does so with surprising speed for such little legs. She has learned to point and is therefore becoming adept at indicating her wants. She remains as smiley as ever and is my clingy little ray of sunshine. She has learned to give kisses and hugs and bestows them as generously as her big brother did in a former life. David is growing more conversational with each day that passes. He spends a lot of time in my lap on the rare occasion that it has been vacated by his sister. David’s memory astounds me, and he will often bring up topics that were discussed days before. He is such a creative little fellow, and I feel that he will need a bigger pond to swim in before very long. I can already sense at times that he is outgrowing his surroundings. He reads very well and is showing more interest in various activities. I plan on starting a rainy day craft box and can’t wait to dive into projects with him. I’m looking forward to establishing a foundation for our family and giving my children plenty of moments to cherish for the rest of their lives.

I’m also hoping that my husband and I can begin to settle in and rediscover who we were and who we have become as a couple. We’re so used to being Mommy and Daddy that we sometimes forget to be Brittany and Johnathan. My kids are the most important thing in my life, but my children exist within my marriage. More than ever, I realize how very important it is to maintain my marriage from the very beginning.

The days have been cloudy, and I’m anxiously waiting for a ray of sunshine. There doesn’t seem to be much hope until late in the weekend, and even then, the forecast calls for partly cloudy skies. I think the clouds are having too much influence over my mood. I’m feeling incredibly dark and moody, but perhaps it’s due to the fact that I will be moving this weekend. Establishing a home is exciting, but it’s also complicated and stressful at best. I know that blue skies will return, and when they do, I will once again admire the sunrise over Lake Lanier. Each morning is different from the morning before, and it reminds me that each day has something unique in store.

2008-03-23T13:28:00.001-04:00

Hunting eggs.

Huh?

Little Easter flower.

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T00:52:00.001-04:00

To begin at the beginning, I must start with a photo of the kids weathering the 3/15 storms. This was taken after we arrived at Granny and Papa's. Things had settled down a bit, so they commenced watching Sesame Street and eating oreos.

Emily thoroughly enjoying lunch with Aunt Jeanette and Uncle Bobby. She ate everything I put on her tray, including turnip greens!

Birthday party III.

New hat. Same old cuteness.

Cucumber.

Ethan. "Hi!"

Kristin's singing bag.

Reading upside down.

Hanging out with Granpere.

Aunt Sheila.

David's gift from "Aunt" Jessica.

A super-cool fire engine puzzle.

We drove down to Guyton for Easter. A lot of these were my attempt at some photography. I really like the way a few of them turned out.

Easter basket.

Playing in great-Grandma's yard.

Sidewalk chalk on paper.

Bumpin up and down in my little red wagon.

In a rare moment, David was excitedly jumping up and down and saying, "Cheese!"

Family Easter photo.

In the grass.

Holding flower.

Sniffing flower.

Pulling petals off the flower.

Black and white.

Downtown Guyton.

Ides of March

2008-03-16T23:17:00.000-04:00

The ides of March. I took note of the date, remembered Shakespeare's warning, and tried to shrug off the silly sense of dread. I'm not superstitious, but sometimes it's fun to pretend. Still, I glanced apprehensively at the growing clouds and tried to forget the ominous forecast. My resolve further weakened when I misplaced the frosting for Emily's birthday cake. I sent David, Emily, and my food ahead with Johnathan and proceeded to tear around the house searching for the chocolate frosting. The girl of honor shouldn't be late for her own party, and hungry people shouldn't have to wait simply because I'm a ditz. I sorrowfully realized, however, that I had forgotten to send the plates and utensils with Johnathan. Guests would be staring at a table of food with no way to eat. I dashed to my car to search the trunk and found the elusive frosting in a forgotten bag. Heavy drops were beginning to fall as I pulled up at the church. Johnathan walked out to meet me, and I asked, "Do you know what today is?" Once we were inside the church gym, it was easier to ignore the rumbles that were growing closer. We were just finishing up lunch when my cousin called to warn us that there was a tornado warning and that the storm would be hitting in about forty minutes. I think most people would have been willing to open presents before heading out, but I was too nervous to do anything but start packing up. We tossed unopened presents into the trunk, and I was soaked to the bone by the heavy downpour. I barely thought of my drenched clothes and called Sheila to see if we could come to their house, mere minutes from the church. Chuck, Sheila, and Hannah were preparing to leave for Florida and had no idea that the weather was so bad. When we called, they switched on the news and were watching when we arrived. Nine of us sat in the sun room and tuned in until the satellite went out. According to the path it was taking out of Cherokee, we were right in the path of a tornado. The basement was filled with old toys from my childhood. After all, Hannah and I received carbon copies of Christmas presents from our grandparents every year. I soaked up the memories and wished that I could stop shaking. The lights went out. I sat on a couch, clutching my squirmy baby and bouncing my legs uncontrollably. Everyone else seemed ridiculously calm, and I wished that my fear of severe weather would take on the shape of something that occurs with less frequency. As we counted down the minutes until impact and watched through a small window, hail began to dance down through blinding rain. The trees began to twist and sway as wind whipped around the house. Then suddenly, it stopped. The world resumed calm and a regular thunderstorm took the place of what had threatened devastation. We stayed in the basement until it seemed safe, then proceeded back upstairs. Emily slept and David and Ethan played for most of the drama. From Chuck and Sheila's, we headed to Granny and Papa's where Johnathan helped my grandfather get my grandmother back upstairs. I instantly felt for Granny because I could tell that she hadn't been forced to sit up for so long in quite some time. The sun came out and it was as if the dark clouds had never existed. When Granny laid down to rest, we headed on up the road toward Dad's. Johanthan had to stop for gas, so I drove over to leave some of the uneaten birthday cake with my cousin. Terri and I were talking in her kitchen when I nervously noticed clouds regrouping on the horizon. It was time to go. I sat at the stop sign on AT Moore Road and debated. Left toward Dads' and Dawson Forest Road, or right toward my cousin Rhonda's? I chose left and regretted it almost immediately. At the Dawson Forest fork, hail began pelting my car and I turned back towards Forsyth County. Driving like a bat out of hell, I raced to Rhonda's. I jumped out of my car and was almost blown sideways by the wind. Once on the front porch, I rang the doorbell. No answer. I frantically rang again. No answer. My panicked mind failed to process that doorbells don't work when the power goes out. I sensed the irony of the situation. What good was running to a safe place if I blew away on the doorstep? Desperately, I knocked like mad on the front door. Rhonda and Neil answered together, and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. I tried to call Johnathan multiple times and was thankful that he and the kids had assuredly made it back to the house before the storm hit. It wasn't until pulling into the driveway at Dad's that I remembered...Johnathan didn't have a key to the house. I almost cried. My poor babies had been sitting in the car through the storm as Johnathan contemplated breaking in through a window. A rainbow appeared in the sky, and all was peaceful for the rest of the evening. The rainbow signaled the end of a very scary day and reminded me of God's blessings.

Poor Emily just isn't meant to have a birthday party up here. Influenza crashes the first attempt, and tornadoes interrupt the second. The best pictures I got were of her demolishing an oreo at Granny and Papa's, then ripping into breakfast with Uncle Bobby and Aunt Jeanette. Work begins tomorrow morning.

"I think the Lord must be in NYC..."

2008-03-13T00:46:00.002-04:00

I honestly don't know why I'm still sitting here in front of the computer screen. The lights are a stimulant to my overly-tired brain. Emily napped while I cooked dinner, so she wasn't interested in sleep until well after baby bedtime. This cannot happen again. Starting tomorrow night, I have to start programming my body for the work week. My apartment should be declared a disaster zone. Boxes, bags, and random unpacked items litter the floor, creating an exciting obstacle course for my kids. I'm less enthused than David and Emily, but glad that we left at least a third of our possessions in boxes after the last move.

I never expected to like Sex and the City as much as I do. It keeps me sane on late nights. I'm terrified of going to bed because as soon as my head hits the pillow, Emily is going to wake up. I think she has radar. It's the reason that I put off bed for so long. Ridiculous, self-defeating reason.

I. Need. Sleep.