Working hard or hardly working

The steady hum of my thoughts is punctuated by electric staplers, shuffling papers, vigorous stamping, and the whir of copying machines. I have more time than ever to muse, but despite the fact that I’m constantly clicking on a keyboard, my musings no longer seem to reach my fingers. Work is going well. It’s an office job, and there isn’t much to relate beyond that point. I spend my days processing applications, so it isn’t wildly exciting. I have known most of my co-workers through Mom for many years, which is both comforting and intimidating. People could easily assume that I’m here because of my mother, so I feel the need to establish myself as worthy and capable apart from her. I have settled into a groove, and I feel as though I can be content. I have good pay, stability, and great benefits during economic hardship. I’m discouraged that I was unable to find a steady MT position, but my children are top priority, and stability had to come first. I am very thankful for my current position, and I know that I owe this opportunity to divine intervention. I will take my MT board exam as soon as I am able to fork over two hundred and twenty dollars, and then I will start looking for part-time therapy work. I want to devote bits of time to therapy in local assisted living facilities. I don’t want to lose my music, and I plan on keeping a toe permanently in the therapy pool.

There seems to be a family of geese that camp out on the office doorstep. They come at night and leave behind lovely calling cards. The boss’ daughter is having her baby today, and I smile internally every time I remember that a tiny little boy is making his way into the world. Babies are so much joy. I miss seeing my little ones, and I hate that I only average around four hours with them each day of the week. Emily is running. We have to keep the upstairs doors shut at all times because if she manages to slip through, she runs down the hallway and tears around the corner toward the top of the stairs. She grins jubilantly and laughs as her chubby feet tear across the carpet. She thinks it’s an amusing game, but I do not share her twisted sense of humor. She doesn’t worry about reaching the top stair and would no doubt try to make her way down with utmost confidence. The thought terrifies me. Emily is as determined to climb the stairs as she is to descend them and does so with surprising speed for such little legs. She has learned to point and is therefore becoming adept at indicating her wants. She remains as smiley as ever and is my clingy little ray of sunshine. She has learned to give kisses and hugs and bestows them as generously as her big brother did in a former life. David is growing more conversational with each day that passes. He spends a lot of time in my lap on the rare occasion that it has been vacated by his sister. David’s memory astounds me, and he will often bring up topics that were discussed days before. He is such a creative little fellow, and I feel that he will need a bigger pond to swim in before very long. I can already sense at times that he is outgrowing his surroundings. He reads very well and is showing more interest in various activities. I plan on starting a rainy day craft box and can’t wait to dive into projects with him. I’m looking forward to establishing a foundation for our family and giving my children plenty of moments to cherish for the rest of their lives.

I’m also hoping that my husband and I can begin to settle in and rediscover who we were and who we have become as a couple. We’re so used to being Mommy and Daddy that we sometimes forget to be Brittany and Johnathan. My kids are the most important thing in my life, but my children exist within my marriage. More than ever, I realize how very important it is to maintain my marriage from the very beginning.

The days have been cloudy, and I’m anxiously waiting for a ray of sunshine. There doesn’t seem to be much hope until late in the weekend, and even then, the forecast calls for partly cloudy skies. I think the clouds are having too much influence over my mood. I’m feeling incredibly dark and moody, but perhaps it’s due to the fact that I will be moving this weekend. Establishing a home is exciting, but it’s also complicated and stressful at best. I know that blue skies will return, and when they do, I will once again admire the sunrise over Lake Lanier. Each morning is different from the morning before, and it reminds me that each day has something unique in store.

Hunting eggs.

Huh?

Little Easter flower.

Happy Easter!

To begin at the beginning, I must start with a photo of the kids weathering the 3/15 storms. This was taken after we arrived at Granny and Papa's. Things had settled down a bit, so they commenced watching Sesame Street and eating oreos.

Emily thoroughly enjoying lunch with Aunt Jeanette and Uncle Bobby. She ate everything I put on her tray, including turnip greens!

Birthday party III.

New hat. Same old cuteness.

Cucumber.

Ethan. "Hi!"

Kristin's singing bag.

Reading upside down.

Hanging out with Granpere.

Aunt Sheila.

David's gift from "Aunt" Jessica.

A super-cool fire engine puzzle.

We drove down to Guyton for Easter. A lot of these were my attempt at some photography. I really like the way a few of them turned out.

Easter basket.

Playing in great-Grandma's yard.

Sidewalk chalk on paper.

Bumpin up and down in my little red wagon.

In a rare moment, David was excitedly jumping up and down and saying, "Cheese!"

Family Easter photo.

In the grass.

Holding flower.

Sniffing flower.

Pulling petals off the flower.

Black and white.

Downtown Guyton.

Ides of March

The ides of March. I took note of the date, remembered Shakespeare's warning, and tried to shrug off the silly sense of dread. I'm not superstitious, but sometimes it's fun to pretend. Still, I glanced apprehensively at the growing clouds and tried to forget the ominous forecast. My resolve further weakened when I misplaced the frosting for Emily's birthday cake. I sent David, Emily, and my food ahead with Johnathan and proceeded to tear around the house searching for the chocolate frosting. The girl of honor shouldn't be late for her own party, and hungry people shouldn't have to wait simply because I'm a ditz. I sorrowfully realized, however, that I had forgotten to send the plates and utensils with Johnathan. Guests would be staring at a table of food with no way to eat. I dashed to my car to search the trunk and found the elusive frosting in a forgotten bag. Heavy drops were beginning to fall as I pulled up at the church. Johnathan walked out to meet me, and I asked, "Do you know what today is?" Once we were inside the church gym, it was easier to ignore the rumbles that were growing closer. We were just finishing up lunch when my cousin called to warn us that there was a tornado warning and that the storm would be hitting in about forty minutes. I think most people would have been willing to open presents before heading out, but I was too nervous to do anything but start packing up. We tossed unopened presents into the trunk, and I was soaked to the bone by the heavy downpour. I barely thought of my drenched clothes and called Sheila to see if we could come to their house, mere minutes from the church. Chuck, Sheila, and Hannah were preparing to leave for Florida and had no idea that the weather was so bad. When we called, they switched on the news and were watching when we arrived. Nine of us sat in the sun room and tuned in until the satellite went out. According to the path it was taking out of Cherokee, we were right in the path of a tornado. The basement was filled with old toys from my childhood. After all, Hannah and I received carbon copies of Christmas presents from our grandparents every year. I soaked up the memories and wished that I could stop shaking. The lights went out. I sat on a couch, clutching my squirmy baby and bouncing my legs uncontrollably. Everyone else seemed ridiculously calm, and I wished that my fear of severe weather would take on the shape of something that occurs with less frequency. As we counted down the minutes until impact and watched through a small window, hail began to dance down through blinding rain. The trees began to twist and sway as wind whipped around the house. Then suddenly, it stopped. The world resumed calm and a regular thunderstorm took the place of what had threatened devastation. We stayed in the basement until it seemed safe, then proceeded back upstairs. Emily slept and David and Ethan played for most of the drama. From Chuck and Sheila's, we headed to Granny and Papa's where Johnathan helped my grandfather get my grandmother back upstairs. I instantly felt for Granny because I could tell that she hadn't been forced to sit up for so long in quite some time. The sun came out and it was as if the dark clouds had never existed. When Granny laid down to rest, we headed on up the road toward Dad's. Johanthan had to stop for gas, so I drove over to leave some of the uneaten birthday cake with my cousin. Terri and I were talking in her kitchen when I nervously noticed clouds regrouping on the horizon. It was time to go. I sat at the stop sign on AT Moore Road and debated. Left toward Dads' and Dawson Forest Road, or right toward my cousin Rhonda's? I chose left and regretted it almost immediately. At the Dawson Forest fork, hail began pelting my car and I turned back towards Forsyth County. Driving like a bat out of hell, I raced to Rhonda's. I jumped out of my car and was almost blown sideways by the wind. Once on the front porch, I rang the doorbell. No answer. I frantically rang again. No answer. My panicked mind failed to process that doorbells don't work when the power goes out. I sensed the irony of the situation. What good was running to a safe place if I blew away on the doorstep? Desperately, I knocked like mad on the front door. Rhonda and Neil answered together, and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. I tried to call Johnathan multiple times and was thankful that he and the kids had assuredly made it back to the house before the storm hit. It wasn't until pulling into the driveway at Dad's that I remembered...Johnathan didn't have a key to the house. I almost cried. My poor babies had been sitting in the car through the storm as Johnathan contemplated breaking in through a window. A rainbow appeared in the sky, and all was peaceful for the rest of the evening. The rainbow signaled the end of a very scary day and reminded me of God's blessings.

Poor Emily just isn't meant to have a birthday party up here. Influenza crashes the first attempt, and tornadoes interrupt the second. The best pictures I got were of her demolishing an oreo at Granny and Papa's, then ripping into breakfast with Uncle Bobby and Aunt Jeanette. Work begins tomorrow morning.

"I think the Lord must be in NYC..."

I honestly don't know why I'm still sitting here in front of the computer screen. The lights are a stimulant to my overly-tired brain. Emily napped while I cooked dinner, so she wasn't interested in sleep until well after baby bedtime. This cannot happen again. Starting tomorrow night, I have to start programming my body for the work week. My apartment should be declared a disaster zone. Boxes, bags, and random unpacked items litter the floor, creating an exciting obstacle course for my kids. I'm less enthused than David and Emily, but glad that we left at least a third of our possessions in boxes after the last move.

I never expected to like Sex and the City as much as I do. It keeps me sane on late nights. I'm terrified of going to bed because as soon as my head hits the pillow, Emily is going to wake up. I think she has radar. It's the reason that I put off bed for so long. Ridiculous, self-defeating reason.

I. Need. Sleep.

Emily Birthday cont'd

Favorite aunt.

Uncle Stephen did a wonderful job picking out Emily's new dress...

...and Aunt Meghan couldn't wait until the party day to see it.

Whoa! Too many pictures!

My second attempt at a birthday cake. Writing is much harder than it looks.

Adding a little girliness here and there.

Center piece.

This is one little girl who has effectively wrapped Daddy around her little finger.

Mommy's pretty girl.

Kisses from Great-Grandma and Grandpa.

Yummy food. Birthday luncheon with BBQ, broccoli casserole, green beans, and sweet potato souffle.

Daddy, this is good!

One of Emily's favorite people.

Opening presents.

David was having a rough day.

But wait! He gets a present, too!

The perfect balm for a wounded soul.

Emily loves her new doll from Uncle Terry and Aunt Diane.

What's this?

A book!

Reading. Sort of.

So happy to be the center of attention.

Queen of her domain.

Admiring her cards.

Brother helps blow out her candle.

Poke. Poke.

Pretty good...

Okay, really good!!!

Destruction!

Sharing with Great-Grandma.

After being washed off, Emily crept over and crawled up with Aunt Diane. She proceeded to lean over the side of the high chair and fish out the remaining cake crumbs in the seat.