So!

I came back to the apartment around 11:00, intent on cooking lunch. I pulled frozen broccoli and frozen winter squash out of the freezer and proceeded to prepare them. The broccoli stove eye started smoking at an alarming rate. I assumed that whatever was burning would burn itself off in a relatively short amount of time. Wrong. The smoke detector was screaming as my food continued to simmer on the stove. Reluctantly, I shut off both stove eyes (just in case) and began to fan the alarm. I pulled the smoke detector battery out. It didn't stop. I pulled the detector off of the ceiling. It didn't stop. WHY DOESN'T IT STOP!!?? Thankfully, it stopped just in time for the Fed-Ex man to show up at my door. He proceeded to laugh at me, and I resisted the urge to tell him that I wasn't actually burning anything. "It's not my fault, I swear! I'm not a dunce in the kitchen!" The poor broccoli now tastes like the burning eye it was cooking on. An entire box of frozen broccoli has been rendered inedible. The squash would have been fine, but I didn't notice that it was organic, which means that it tastes like crap. Therefore, lunch consisted of imitation crab meat and a dinner roll. Lovely. I suppose I can also make good use of a leftover brownie. So much for attempts at a healthy lunch. Vegetables, indeed...

"Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong"

Another lovely weekend. It was filled with the incredible wonderfulness of fall and everything else that is wonderful. Pumpkins and leaves and lazy Sundays. Children and laughter and endless blue skies. A shade of blue that can never be replicated here on earth. The sunny day and pleasant atmosphere generated a warmth that no artificial heat could ever rival. I suppose it's a strange comparison, but I'm at a loss for words, so there! I just stood in the sunshine, soaking in the perfection of everything surrounding me. The song "Feels Like Home" came back to me for the first time in a very very long time. I smiled.

"Oh, the weather outside"

It's 41 degrees outside, but it feels like 36. This is a far departure from 86 degrees just four days ago. No wonder everyone is getting sick (pauses to sniffle). I am not a big fan of winter weather. The only thing I like about cold weather is being warm and cozy on the inside, knowing that it's frigid on the outside. I don't mind frosty panes as long as I can enjoy them with a roaring fire to my back. Right now, I'm perfectly aware that within the next hour and a half, I will have to face the icy blast, insufficiently armed. But for this second, I'm warm and cozy, eating a quick breakfast and catching glimpses of the morning news. There is an unmatched security in knowing you are warm and sheltered when everything else is so cold.

If marshmallows can be stale...

mine are stale...

Laugh and cry
Live and die
Life is a dream we are dreaming

Day by day
I find my way
Look for the song and the meaning

Then you look at me
And I always see
What I have been searching for
I'm lost as can be
Then you look at me
And I am not lost anymore

Yesterday was really weird. The day started out fine, but by the time last night rolled around, I was incredibly out of sorts. I was driving back from WalMart when I was possessed to visit old friends. The only problem is, those friends no longer live there. Heh. The urge was so overwhelmingly strong that for a split second, I could have sworn things were just as they used to be. I suppose it went along with the fog and eerie full moon, but to be honest, it was sort of freaky. It took me all of five seconds to realize that I wasn't going crazy, but for those five seconds, I felt totally lost. The swirling mist only enhanced the feeling that ghosts of former lives were lurking around every corner. Even my own apartment seemed as if it had been invaded by something I wasn't a part of. I didn't belong. Unfortunately, I allowed the weirdness to get to me, affecting even the simplest things. Perhaps all I needed was a good cry. Blame it on the moon.

Today was better. It's difficult to be completely blah on such a beautiful day. I was sitting in a Porter practice room, staring out the window at sun-colored leaves and playing the piano. It felt good to really play the piano again. Everything from that point went by in such a blur. It has been over four hours now since I was sitting at work, but it feels like years. Band rehearsal ended only an hour and a half ago, but it must have been weeks. This post probably sounds as if I have finally started to crack, but I promise that I'm perfectly sane for the moment. Hehe. It's just that the days are long, and I have begun living from weekend to weekend, which throws off time as I used to know it. I don't suppose it's altogether a bad place to be. Right now, I want nothing more than to go to sleep for a very long time...and dream about very happy things. And when I wake, my dream will have become a reality. :)

"d'amore e di speranza"

I'm sitting here in my apartment on a Saturday night, typing in the glow of lamplight and listening to Porgy and Bess. The past two weeks have been absolutely insane, and I'm hoping this week will not follow suit. I was prepared for a rather slow week until I remembered that we have a band concert Thursday. Oops. That means that I can only work a half shift on both Monday and Wednesday. Hmm. It has been a while since I've updated, but life has consisted mostly of working, eating, sleeping, and limited social contact. All midterms and papers were finally completed as of yesterday, and with a sigh of relief, I tossed all work aside and went out for an afternoon/evening of relaxation. I sat on the stairs of Porter for the longest time, just soaking up the sunshine, chatting with passing professors, and soaking up every detail of my surroundings. I love moments like that where I can just sit and be a part of the world around me. I love being able to find wonder in intricate shadows on brick walls, bird songs, and even the scent and sparkle of water on pavement. The brief repose was followed by lunch at Chili's and an afternoon of much-needed cleaning. I finished out the evening with a wonderful concert. The evening was very cool...almost to the point of being chilly, and the sky seemed to stretch forever in every direction. I could have kept going for forever into the distance. This morning, I baked orange rolls and then went to hang out at Fallfest. Tonight, I went to the Chorus concert, which was "An Evening of Opera." Hands down, it was the best GC&SU choral concert I've ever been to. I left humming to myself and dreaming of beautiful evenings past and present. The moon is bright, the sky is clear, the air is crisp, and I feel as if wonderful arms have been wrapped around my shoulders. I'm looking forward to the beauty of this fall and especially the holiday season. :-)

In reference to my latest post, the clouds have parted for a time - I got off of work an hour and a half early. :)

A Case of the Mean Reds

I suppose my entries have been entirely too peppy for far too long. What a week this has been...and we're only halfway through. I had a pack of vending machine cookies for breakfast and a pack of vending machine crackers for lunch. I hate junk food. I hate eating junk food. ::gags:: We're supposed to have free pizza at work tonight, but I'm sitting here eating green beans for my sanity. That reminds me...One of the good spots of this week was having dinner with the girls last night. I cooked chicken, green beans, sweet potato souffle, and corn casserole. Mmm. Mom and Dad had given me some apples from Ellijay, so I used them to bake an apple-pineapple crisp for dessert. It was a lot of fun just to relax for a couple of hours. I need breaks like that to keep me moving, but with every pause, I'm so afraid of falling behind. The end of the week is only two days away. I'm looking to the end and nowhere else. By that point, I will have two days of vegetation before it all starts again. For anyone who is wondering at the melodrama that is currently unfolding, one word might explain it all: MIDTERMS. Yup. Here were are at the midpoint of yet another semester. I have an advisory meeting next week to figure out exactly what I need to do to get out of here by next Fall. Hoorah.

Whew! Glad to get that out. Other than being incredibly stressed (and com'on, who isn't as of late?), I'm doing pretty well. I keep meaning to update more often. I have so many interesting (at least to me) things to talk about. I see, hear, think, and feel so much during the day, but by the time I get around to writing, my former thoughts elude me. Unrelated shift: The entire music building (referring to the people within the building...not the actual building itself) seemed to be in a quirky mood today. Despite cramming for tests, there was a constant hum of voices and laughter from all corners. Some raged over study guides until the last second, while others endured the count down with a "devil-may-care" frivolity. There was more of everything going on in the lounge, and every display of emotion seemed heightened.

Okay, kids. I'm off to work. Have a wonderful evening.

"...leads me to you door"

Let's see...what can I babble about tonight? Today was the first completely fall-ish day of the year. I rode home with the windows down and the radio blaring. The smell and feel of fall always puts me in the lightest of moods. I was sitting at a red light today, sniffing appreciatively as the smoke from a boiled peanut vendor drifted through my open window. On the opposite side of the street, a train was passing under shade trees as "Georgia on my Mind" stirred a feeling of vast contentment.

I'm incredibly tired, but energized by a sense of anticipation. I think it's a combination of things, but no matter what, I will acknowledge it, be thankful, and trust that it will remain. I had so much to say when I first started typing, but it has...all...evaporated...or...something. Maybe I will remember after sleep works its magic.