Daybreak spills above the edge, chasing shadows from my mind
Images of happiness beneath a starry sky
Memories tinged with meaning, suspended now in time
Beyond the realm of feeling is the place where I can hide
Chorus:
What am I doing here?
Seems I lost my way
Feelings can never die
With so much left to say
I'm looking to the light
Will I be redeemed?
My beautiful illusion...
A life that can never be
The roles we play are not our own and dreams are fading fast
Destiny, obscured by dues, the man now stands detached
Promise that you'll think of me along your chosen path
A broken angel flew too high, my heart still in its grasp
[Bridge]
Mere pawns moved by a greater hand
A plan I cannot see
Free, but chained - time heals all wounds
What I need is all around me
What am I doing here?
Seems I lost my way
Feelings can never die
With so much left to say
I'm looking to the light
Will I be redeemed?
My beautiful illusion...
A life that can never be
I'm looking to the light
Things weren't what they seemed
My beautiful illusion...
A different life awaits me
---------------------------------------
Okay, so I wrote this song a few months ago. I think I might use it on the upcoming MT Skills CD (we have to record our own songs). Basically, I'm just wondering what other people's thoughts are. Is it good enough? Should I write something else? Etc. etc. etc. Anything is welcome. :)
I'm thinking possibly a moving guitar part over piano chords/melody...?
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Saturday, September 25, 2004
"Saturday I go out to play..."
Yawn. Sooo sleepy.
I went to the Allman Brother's concert in Atlanta last night. The band sounded great. They have three drummers! Three! It was kind of hard to enjoy at times because of the disturbing number of daft audience members. I've been to a lot of concerts, but this one took the cake as far as drunken/doped up crowds is concerned. If that's your thing, I don't care. But when it starts hindering my ability to enjoy the concert, I become a little annoyed. Anywho. The music was good, and The Fox is always great. Every time I go, I love it more.
My parents and I went looking at houses today. We're thinking of possibly buying a house away from the hustle and bustle that is quickly taking over everything. It's still EXTREMELY iffy. There's a very good chance it won't go through, but we have to do something sometime in the near future. People are moving out of our current neighborhood, and the replacements are...well...less than ideal. That sounds terrible. Basically, we want to get out before the subdivision has time to go downhill. After house hunting, I went to visit my grandparents and helped spread wheat straw in the front yard. Fun fun. :)
Tomorrow (if all goes as planned), I'm going to church, lunch, and then to see "Vanity Fair" with Mike in Athens. I've heard it's really good, so I'm excited. Then back to Milledgeville. I'm glad this has been a good weekend. It'll be three weeks before I make it home again. Yawn. Okay. I'm really sleepy now. I could fall asleep right here on the keyboard...as;kjdfsnhfajksdfh38w zzzzz
I went to the Allman Brother's concert in Atlanta last night. The band sounded great. They have three drummers! Three! It was kind of hard to enjoy at times because of the disturbing number of daft audience members. I've been to a lot of concerts, but this one took the cake as far as drunken/doped up crowds is concerned. If that's your thing, I don't care. But when it starts hindering my ability to enjoy the concert, I become a little annoyed. Anywho. The music was good, and The Fox is always great. Every time I go, I love it more.
My parents and I went looking at houses today. We're thinking of possibly buying a house away from the hustle and bustle that is quickly taking over everything. It's still EXTREMELY iffy. There's a very good chance it won't go through, but we have to do something sometime in the near future. People are moving out of our current neighborhood, and the replacements are...well...less than ideal. That sounds terrible. Basically, we want to get out before the subdivision has time to go downhill. After house hunting, I went to visit my grandparents and helped spread wheat straw in the front yard. Fun fun. :)
Tomorrow (if all goes as planned), I'm going to church, lunch, and then to see "Vanity Fair" with Mike in Athens. I've heard it's really good, so I'm excited. Then back to Milledgeville. I'm glad this has been a good weekend. It'll be three weeks before I make it home again. Yawn. Okay. I'm really sleepy now. I could fall asleep right here on the keyboard...as;kjdfsnhfajksdfh38w zzzzz
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
"Every season has its change..."
Leaves are beginning to canvas the earth like rust-colored flowers in an old-fashioned garden. Crisp breezes gently stir in the recess of my soul, awakening a long-forgotten hope. Trees are whispering softly, sharing stories trapped in time.
Bon-fires glow with expectant light, casting dancing shadows on the amber hue of my reason. What would you give to embrace the matchless turquoise horizon?
From the dusty rose of sunset springs a chilly darkness, illuminated only by celestial diamonds. Another day is done.
Senses heightened by the approach of fall... The beauty of things to come...
Bon-fires glow with expectant light, casting dancing shadows on the amber hue of my reason. What would you give to embrace the matchless turquoise horizon?
From the dusty rose of sunset springs a chilly darkness, illuminated only by celestial diamonds. Another day is done.
Senses heightened by the approach of fall... The beauty of things to come...
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
SAI PICTURES!
Okay. I swear I don't have a narcissim complex (I can feel the comments coming), but the only pictures I had access to had me in all of them. I don't really like that...makes me uncomfortable (haha), but...yeah...I wanted to get some pictures up, so (thanks to Jessica :)) - here they are!!!
Rasheda and Me
Kristen and Karen (they're so cute :-p)
This was originally a single photo of the MITs with their fearless leader (hence the half of my arm beside Karen - haha), but my blog didn't like it being that wide. I was tired of messing with the dimensions (I'm too picky), so the result is what you see before you.
Rasheda and Me
Kristen and Karen (they're so cute :-p)
This was originally a single photo of the MITs with their fearless leader (hence the half of my arm beside Karen - haha), but my blog didn't like it being that wide. I was tired of messing with the dimensions (I'm too picky), so the result is what you see before you.
Lori (ride buddy!) and I together at the tea social. My hair was fixed all fancy and stuff in the back, but you can't tell. Oh well. :) It was fun despite the icky weather.
Me and my "big sis", Tammy. :) Yay! She's awesome (and not just because she got me lots of Reese's). :-p
Officially members in training! Wahoo! ::cheesy grin::
Monday, September 20, 2004
It's the next best thing to be...free as a bird...
Due to email failure and general communication break-down, I missed hanging out with two super-cool people Friday night. Instead, I went home to a house with no power. Heh. The power came back on around 8:30ish, and I spent the rest of the evening enjoying the company of my wonderful family.
Saturday was spent cleaning up the yard, milling around Cumming, not getting to hang out with yet another friend, and attending the Barry Richman concert (which was phenomenal). He played several Hendrix tunes (which I loved), some other assorted rock tunes, a little bit of jazz, a hint of the blues, and a lot of his own stuff. To see someone play the guitar with such ease is phenomenal. I was disappointed (this makes three) because my favorite chum had to back out at the last minute. Fortunately, she was able to catch the second half.
Sometimes I'm annoyed at myself for being in a crummy mood when I really have no reason to be. The little slips that disrupted the flow of my weekend are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I should be flogged for being so petty (but please don't take me up on that).
Sunday was very good. I enjoyed church and lunch with the family and then trooped to the State Botanical Gardens in Athens. The gardens were beautiful despite the fact that clean-up crews haven't been able to clear the mess left by Ivan. After dinner, I made the trek back to Milledgeville.
Classes were crazy today. Erin and I went to see Ms. Myrtis and got into a debate with her over political/religious stuff. I have been raised otherwise. In my household, if an elderly person says "the moon is made of cheese", you smile, nod, and act like it was nothing out of the way. But I swear she ropes us into it. She presses us to see what our thoughts/feelings are and then she'll tell us what she thinks and why. You wouldn't expect Erin and I to be more conservative than an 84 year old lady, but I think she actually enjoys it! I think we all do, and I suppose that's all that matters. We love her to death. I left straight from her place and ran to Wal-Mart. After Wal-Mart, I headed to Max Noah for the clarinet recital. Run, run, run! That brings us up to present. I am now sitting here writing this little note to you fine people and preparing for the HEA planning meeting at 10:00. In what universe do planning meetings happen at 10:00 PM? Mine, apparently...
Tomorrow promises to be just as hectic. Classes until 3, homework, our first pledge meeting, Bible Study, and more homework. I've had a relatively light load (as far as homework is concerned), so I suppose I deserve to have it all dumped on me at once.
Okay. That's it for now. Oh! One more thing: Julie was telling me that if you go into Porter late at night and stand outside of Max Noah, you can hear singing from inside. I got a delicious chill upon hearing the story. Has anyone else heard it? I might check it out sometime if I don't chicken out.
Have a lovely evening and a great day tomorrow. :)
Saturday was spent cleaning up the yard, milling around Cumming, not getting to hang out with yet another friend, and attending the Barry Richman concert (which was phenomenal). He played several Hendrix tunes (which I loved), some other assorted rock tunes, a little bit of jazz, a hint of the blues, and a lot of his own stuff. To see someone play the guitar with such ease is phenomenal. I was disappointed (this makes three) because my favorite chum had to back out at the last minute. Fortunately, she was able to catch the second half.
Sometimes I'm annoyed at myself for being in a crummy mood when I really have no reason to be. The little slips that disrupted the flow of my weekend are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I should be flogged for being so petty (but please don't take me up on that).
Sunday was very good. I enjoyed church and lunch with the family and then trooped to the State Botanical Gardens in Athens. The gardens were beautiful despite the fact that clean-up crews haven't been able to clear the mess left by Ivan. After dinner, I made the trek back to Milledgeville.
Classes were crazy today. Erin and I went to see Ms. Myrtis and got into a debate with her over political/religious stuff. I have been raised otherwise. In my household, if an elderly person says "the moon is made of cheese", you smile, nod, and act like it was nothing out of the way. But I swear she ropes us into it. She presses us to see what our thoughts/feelings are and then she'll tell us what she thinks and why. You wouldn't expect Erin and I to be more conservative than an 84 year old lady, but I think she actually enjoys it! I think we all do, and I suppose that's all that matters. We love her to death. I left straight from her place and ran to Wal-Mart. After Wal-Mart, I headed to Max Noah for the clarinet recital. Run, run, run! That brings us up to present. I am now sitting here writing this little note to you fine people and preparing for the HEA planning meeting at 10:00. In what universe do planning meetings happen at 10:00 PM? Mine, apparently...
Tomorrow promises to be just as hectic. Classes until 3, homework, our first pledge meeting, Bible Study, and more homework. I've had a relatively light load (as far as homework is concerned), so I suppose I deserve to have it all dumped on me at once.
Okay. That's it for now. Oh! One more thing: Julie was telling me that if you go into Porter late at night and stand outside of Max Noah, you can hear singing from inside. I got a delicious chill upon hearing the story. Has anyone else heard it? I might check it out sometime if I don't chicken out.
Have a lovely evening and a great day tomorrow. :)
Thursday, September 16, 2004
"Well the rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun"
Wahoo! The rain and wind are here! This weather is absolutely spectacular. My umbrella turned inside out more times than I could count when I was walking back from literary guild. Call me crazy, but I love it. There's a thrill that accompanies the wild untamed force of nature. Who am I kidding? I love it now while I feel there is no direct threat to my life, but I'm terrified of tornadoes. It's all well and good as long as it's just 30 mph winds and rain, but a funnel cloud would turn me into a spineless nothing. Ah well. For now, I'm enjoying it.
Today's conclusions: It does not pay to wake up twenty-five minutes before your class starts. I am officially going to fail Dr. France's Astronomy test because after five weeks of classes, I still know nothing. It's definitely my luck to get stuck with a professor that graduated from Yale and is one of five biophysinuclearsomethings in the world.
On a positive note, I did very well on two of my music tests today. Unfortunately, I have the biggest one yet (first for music theory) tomorrow at 11. The highlight of the day was learning to "shag". Eh, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm referring to the dance. It was great fun. Stop by sometime and I'll teach you. :) I'm mainly writing because there's a chance that we might lose power later, and I want to leave my mark on the world before losing contact with civilization as I know it.
I feel very content. I know some of the most amazing people on the face of the planet. They are warm, kind, funny, smart, classy, reliable, and beautiful. Come Monday, everyone will pick up their burdens again. When the work week resumes, the world will take on its garish uncertainty again. But for now, we are all freed by the simple fact that the weekend is just on the other side of tomorrow. The transition that has taken place between yesterday and today baffles me. The building is alive with the happy hum of voices. Laughter is echoing down the hallway. I am safe and secure with my position in this world and for a moment, no one will be able to take that from me.
I have a million thoughts swirling in my head. I don't know why this mood has descended upon me, but it's invigorating. Perhaps I should put this time and extreme amount of energy to good use instead of boring anyone who reads this with foolish drivel. Just a thought...
Today's conclusions: It does not pay to wake up twenty-five minutes before your class starts. I am officially going to fail Dr. France's Astronomy test because after five weeks of classes, I still know nothing. It's definitely my luck to get stuck with a professor that graduated from Yale and is one of five biophysinuclearsomethings in the world.
On a positive note, I did very well on two of my music tests today. Unfortunately, I have the biggest one yet (first for music theory) tomorrow at 11. The highlight of the day was learning to "shag". Eh, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm referring to the dance. It was great fun. Stop by sometime and I'll teach you. :) I'm mainly writing because there's a chance that we might lose power later, and I want to leave my mark on the world before losing contact with civilization as I know it.
I feel very content. I know some of the most amazing people on the face of the planet. They are warm, kind, funny, smart, classy, reliable, and beautiful. Come Monday, everyone will pick up their burdens again. When the work week resumes, the world will take on its garish uncertainty again. But for now, we are all freed by the simple fact that the weekend is just on the other side of tomorrow. The transition that has taken place between yesterday and today baffles me. The building is alive with the happy hum of voices. Laughter is echoing down the hallway. I am safe and secure with my position in this world and for a moment, no one will be able to take that from me.
I have a million thoughts swirling in my head. I don't know why this mood has descended upon me, but it's invigorating. Perhaps I should put this time and extreme amount of energy to good use instead of boring anyone who reads this with foolish drivel. Just a thought...
Once in a lifetime...water flowing under...
It has been requested that I update (thanks, Mike - heh). I don't really have much to say, though. The world seems to have gone mad. Everyone I know is feeling kind of down. All of my friends seem to be wondering what the future holds for them, and I'm not sure what made us all start thinking in this mode at the same time. I've been told sophomore year is a rough year (mentally), so...maybe it's in direct relation to that. A lot of people are feeling under the weather, too, so Sanford Hall has been kind of oppressive for the past week.
Whatever the reason for the stifling gloom, Erin, Jessica, and I are attempting to lighten the atmosphere around here by watching "Friends". We'll see if it helps. One good thing is that Friday is only two days away. I probably won't actually head home until Saturday because of the storm. I don't particularly want to drive in that kind of weather if I can help it. However, Victor might be coming down to visit on Friday, which means I might finally be able to meet him!
I'm going home on Saturday because I want to go to the concert that my Dad helped get together at the Cumming Playhouse. Other than that, I don't really have any plans. I definitely need to get some homework done this weekend if at all possible. I guess that's about it for now. Have a great evening.
Whatever the reason for the stifling gloom, Erin, Jessica, and I are attempting to lighten the atmosphere around here by watching "Friends". We'll see if it helps. One good thing is that Friday is only two days away. I probably won't actually head home until Saturday because of the storm. I don't particularly want to drive in that kind of weather if I can help it. However, Victor might be coming down to visit on Friday, which means I might finally be able to meet him!
I'm going home on Saturday because I want to go to the concert that my Dad helped get together at the Cumming Playhouse. Other than that, I don't really have any plans. I definitely need to get some homework done this weekend if at all possible. I guess that's about it for now. Have a great evening.
Monday, September 13, 2004
You're not alone in this story's pages
Tammy's my big sister! Yay! I'll try to post a picture of us together soon, so keep watch! :) It was all so beautiful! :)
Sunday, September 12, 2004
"One More Weekend..."
catching up...
fish (beautiful metallic blue hue)...name is George
knitting
movie
colonial mall, Macon
music
movie (Wicker Park = good)
church
procrastination...I have so much that I COULD be doing, so...why am I still here?
For a more detailed account of the weekend, there are other sources.
I'm in a weird mood. Things are pretty good. But then again...I don't know. I just don't know. When I'm not sure about things, I just kind of put them off until I HAVE to deal with them, ya know? I just don't know. There are too many things to consider. I wish someone could just tell me the answer. I think I'm hopelessly flawed.
"We are all hopelessly flawed." (Little Women)
I find out who my big sister is tomorrow! I'm so excited! ::snoopy dance::
fish (beautiful metallic blue hue)...name is George
knitting
movie
colonial mall, Macon
music
movie (Wicker Park = good)
church
procrastination...I have so much that I COULD be doing, so...why am I still here?
For a more detailed account of the weekend, there are other sources.
I'm in a weird mood. Things are pretty good. But then again...I don't know. I just don't know. When I'm not sure about things, I just kind of put them off until I HAVE to deal with them, ya know? I just don't know. There are too many things to consider. I wish someone could just tell me the answer. I think I'm hopelessly flawed.
"We are all hopelessly flawed." (Little Women)
I find out who my big sister is tomorrow! I'm so excited! ::snoopy dance::
Saturday, September 11, 2004
"From sea to shining sea..."
I just posted a ridiculous little update about my evening on here, but when I did so, I noticed the date. 09-11-04. It was very sobering, and I no longer felt like being so jovial. I promptly deleted my inane ramblings and instead, I am taking this time to remember.
Please keep the future of our country in your thoughts and prayers. I love you all.
Please keep the future of our country in your thoughts and prayers. I love you all.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
"No matter how the highway bends"
Lately I've been thinking about true friendship. Everyone has heard this quote a million times; "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." It always seemed cheesy to me, but there is a lot of truth in that statement. My real friends are the ones who are there through thick and thin. They don't disappear when things get tough. They always have time to listen...to speak a kind word. But it's never JUST words. I now see the emptiness of pretty promises that are too quickly forgotten.
A friend is someone I regard with affection and trust. Someone who has the same affection and trust for me.
I guess that last part is the real catch. For quite some time now, I feel that I have been pulling the weight in some of my old "friendships". What sucks is that most of these people were individuals I was closest to at some point in my life. I hate that. It hurts to think that it meant so little...especially when I'm incapable of being so indifferent. But I have realized that friendship is a two-way street. Ideally, the person should need me as much as I need them.
I assure you, I will not suffer for lack of friendship. It just hurts to think people can be so detached.
On a lighter note! I received a bid for SAI!!! I'm so excited! I have met so many wonderful people as of late. The sisters have been absolutely great. I love them all already.
A friend is someone I regard with affection and trust. Someone who has the same affection and trust for me.
I guess that last part is the real catch. For quite some time now, I feel that I have been pulling the weight in some of my old "friendships". What sucks is that most of these people were individuals I was closest to at some point in my life. I hate that. It hurts to think that it meant so little...especially when I'm incapable of being so indifferent. But I have realized that friendship is a two-way street. Ideally, the person should need me as much as I need them.
I assure you, I will not suffer for lack of friendship. It just hurts to think people can be so detached.
On a lighter note! I received a bid for SAI!!! I'm so excited! I have met so many wonderful people as of late. The sisters have been absolutely great. I love them all already.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
"What I need...is all around me..."
What is my life without your love?
Tell me, who am I without you...by my side?
Good song...
Tell me, who am I without you...by my side?
Good song...
"Rain rain go away..."
No class! Waking up at 8:30 to Erin's "Brittany! Classes are cancelled!" was the highlight of my day. Haha. I never thought Dr. Leland would consent to such. My apologies for any rude comments I might have directed her way last night.
Today has been pretty uneventful. Shock.
I'm not as far behind in America's Diverse Cultural Heritage as I thought. Whew.
We have a crazy number of Hugh Grant movies to keep us busy tonight.
And I gave Jessica her first guitar lesson; it's a class requirement for me to teach some poor soul.
I hope everyone weathered the storm well. I feel for those who have not been as fortunate. Please keep them in mind. Power outages and fallen trees are no fun...especially for the poor battered state of Florida. Stay dry and have a wonderful evening.
Today has been pretty uneventful. Shock.
I'm not as far behind in America's Diverse Cultural Heritage as I thought. Whew.
We have a crazy number of Hugh Grant movies to keep us busy tonight.
And I gave Jessica her first guitar lesson; it's a class requirement for me to teach some poor soul.
I hope everyone weathered the storm well. I feel for those who have not been as fortunate. Please keep them in mind. Power outages and fallen trees are no fun...especially for the poor battered state of Florida. Stay dry and have a wonderful evening.
Friday, September 03, 2004
"Let the rain come down..."
I swear it's like monsoon season or something. I got stuck in my SECOND torrential downpour in less than twenty-four hours while walking to class today. And I mean TORRENTIAL. There was literally a river flowing across campus. The streets were flooded, and I was forced to step into puddles up to my ankles (with flip flops no less). I couldn't have been more wet if I stood in the shower with my clothes on. It was terrible. For any who might not have heard the story, this also happened last night while we were doing a scavenger hunt. Besides being soaked to the bone, my poor red flip flops decided to give up the ghost and bled all over my feet. Ah well...my dyed feet just match the SAI brand which refuses to leave my arm (red marker)...even after two showers. Good times.
This week has been the busiest week ever. I honestly don't remember the last time I was this busy. But it's a good kind of busy, ya know? I feel that I have been very productive. Classes are going well. I'm keeping my head above water so far and actually enjoying it. ::knock on wood:: Well...I don't enjoy astronomy so much right now, but...yeah. I'm going for a 4.0 this time around. We'll see if I get there.
Things are going well for HEA so far this year. Our first General Assembly was tonight. Everything went smoothly, and I think it's going to be a good year. We're preparing for our Induction Convocation ceremony, which involves a lot of work, but it'll be worth it. I love seeing everything we've worked so hard for falling into place. I'm very proud of this year's exec. board; I feel honored to work with such a devoted group.
Hmm. I was just thinking about the downpour today (sorry to go back to that, but it's not completely random). I was thinking about how I love being out in weather like that (as long as it's not cold rain) because there's such a wild beauty to it. It's as if the world is being cleansed of impurities and such...like it's getting its face washed. :-p Made me think about how (despite everything that happens in this crazy world) the rains keep falling like they have always done. Rivers and streams still trip over stones, etching their happy little paths. I dunno...it just kind of made me realize that no matter what changes time brings, we (as humans) still see things (literally and figuratively) basically the same. Think of things the waters have seen. War, poverty, tender moments, happiness, sadness... Humans never really change all that much. I guess that's why history repeats itself. We should be able to learn from mistakes, but inevitably, the past recurs with vexatious uniformity. Why?
This week has been the busiest week ever. I honestly don't remember the last time I was this busy. But it's a good kind of busy, ya know? I feel that I have been very productive. Classes are going well. I'm keeping my head above water so far and actually enjoying it. ::knock on wood:: Well...I don't enjoy astronomy so much right now, but...yeah. I'm going for a 4.0 this time around. We'll see if I get there.
Things are going well for HEA so far this year. Our first General Assembly was tonight. Everything went smoothly, and I think it's going to be a good year. We're preparing for our Induction Convocation ceremony, which involves a lot of work, but it'll be worth it. I love seeing everything we've worked so hard for falling into place. I'm very proud of this year's exec. board; I feel honored to work with such a devoted group.
Hmm. I was just thinking about the downpour today (sorry to go back to that, but it's not completely random). I was thinking about how I love being out in weather like that (as long as it's not cold rain) because there's such a wild beauty to it. It's as if the world is being cleansed of impurities and such...like it's getting its face washed. :-p Made me think about how (despite everything that happens in this crazy world) the rains keep falling like they have always done. Rivers and streams still trip over stones, etching their happy little paths. I dunno...it just kind of made me realize that no matter what changes time brings, we (as humans) still see things (literally and figuratively) basically the same. Think of things the waters have seen. War, poverty, tender moments, happiness, sadness... Humans never really change all that much. I guess that's why history repeats itself. We should be able to learn from mistakes, but inevitably, the past recurs with vexatious uniformity. Why?
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
"Time...look where we are and what we've been through..."
Somtimes I don't know what to think of life. It throws so many curves. As many of you know, I have been stuck in a "down spell" for a while. Regardless of my reasons for being there, I have realized that it has to stop. I can torment myself for the rest of my life with gloom and doom, but what good will that do anyone?
Pulling out of my funk feels great, but sometimes I have mini-relapses. I freak out because I thought I had everything figured out and then it all seems so uncertain again. But I suppose that's where trust comes in.
I think part of my problem is that I really fell away from God at the end of Spring semester. Fall semester REALLY challenged my faith. It was the first time that I had actually stopped and questioned my fundamental beliefs. But it made me stronger. I had never been so close to God. But Spring semester came along and I fell by the way-side. I was vainly trying to hold everything together. More than anything, I still wanted to be a shining light for Christ. I hoped that my peers could see Christ in my life, and I still hope that I had some sort of impact. But my focus shifted to other things, and I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew what the rest of my life was going to be, but God had other ideas.
My plans disintegrated before my very eyes and I watched...powerless. I was bitter. Very bitter. I lost interest in everything, including God. I went from experiencing the closest walk I have ever known to feeling unable to even utter a prayer. I was only sinking deeper...and deeper...darker and darker. Then I realized something... It was because I had stopped talking to God. He was the only one who was going to get me through this, but He was the one person I had chosen to leave out. Tsk tsk.
Oddly enough, the pastor talked about something very similar in church on Sunday. Then tonight, I came in from the SAI cookout and immediately went to our girl's Bible Study (all denominations are represented if anyone wants to join us). The topic? Being a beautiful woman in GOD'S eyes. We're studying Proverbs 31: 10-31. This is what I need right now...because I am far from beautiful as far as my Christian walk is concerned. I cringe whenever I think of how I have neglected my faith over the past couple of months. And why did I do it? Because I wanted to have myself a pity party...because I wanted to handle it on my own. I am starting to remember what the awesomeness of God is like. It's amazing. :) As Erin would say "Yay God". Haha. Anyway. I just thought I would share that with the world.
I don't know what lies in the days or weeks ahead, but I know that it's all in God's hands. He knows what He's doing and will show me the way...no matter how blurred the path seems. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and a great day tomorrow.
Pulling out of my funk feels great, but sometimes I have mini-relapses. I freak out because I thought I had everything figured out and then it all seems so uncertain again. But I suppose that's where trust comes in.
I think part of my problem is that I really fell away from God at the end of Spring semester. Fall semester REALLY challenged my faith. It was the first time that I had actually stopped and questioned my fundamental beliefs. But it made me stronger. I had never been so close to God. But Spring semester came along and I fell by the way-side. I was vainly trying to hold everything together. More than anything, I still wanted to be a shining light for Christ. I hoped that my peers could see Christ in my life, and I still hope that I had some sort of impact. But my focus shifted to other things, and I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew what the rest of my life was going to be, but God had other ideas.
My plans disintegrated before my very eyes and I watched...powerless. I was bitter. Very bitter. I lost interest in everything, including God. I went from experiencing the closest walk I have ever known to feeling unable to even utter a prayer. I was only sinking deeper...and deeper...darker and darker. Then I realized something... It was because I had stopped talking to God. He was the only one who was going to get me through this, but He was the one person I had chosen to leave out. Tsk tsk.
Oddly enough, the pastor talked about something very similar in church on Sunday. Then tonight, I came in from the SAI cookout and immediately went to our girl's Bible Study (all denominations are represented if anyone wants to join us). The topic? Being a beautiful woman in GOD'S eyes. We're studying Proverbs 31: 10-31. This is what I need right now...because I am far from beautiful as far as my Christian walk is concerned. I cringe whenever I think of how I have neglected my faith over the past couple of months. And why did I do it? Because I wanted to have myself a pity party...because I wanted to handle it on my own. I am starting to remember what the awesomeness of God is like. It's amazing. :) As Erin would say "Yay God". Haha. Anyway. I just thought I would share that with the world.
I don't know what lies in the days or weeks ahead, but I know that it's all in God's hands. He knows what He's doing and will show me the way...no matter how blurred the path seems. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and a great day tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)